The Introspective Geek

You know, I think I completely failed to mention on my LJ (or anywhere else) that I was planning to attend Arisia in Boston this year. So... HI FROM ARISIA IN BOSTON! Yeah, to put it simply, unless I'm on my death bed, I'll be at Arisia every year. I fucking love this convention. I love the awesome people I meet, the incredible thoughts and ideas that are shared, and the epic levels of WIN I experience here from so many sources.

Too many positive things to list them all, and the convention isn't over yet, but to summarize:

1. Panels I've attended have been fantastic. I've learned a lot. And damn, I need to add to my reading list.

2. Panels I've been on so far have been mostly quite good, and I was very privileged to have the chance to contribute to the Gender panel.

3. As always, it's wonderful to see old friends. Just as wonderful to meet new friends.

4. My own challenges with my health have continued to be lessons in humility - eye opening, sobering, but also reminders that I'm not alone here. Two weeks ago, other than my migraines, I felt pretty damned good. On Monday last week, I started a flare-up. It's been rough here at the con, but I'm having fun. Just learning to balance things.

Anyway, it's late, but I wanted to chime in. More con details later. :)

So, I needed some new clothes, and bought a few new t-shirts and Henleys.  You know - just comfortable casual stuff that I can wear without having to think.  I tried on the large and XL Henleys, and the XL was a bit too baggy, so I bought three larges.  Wore one last night, and it fit perfectly - that nice balance between fitted and loose.

Then I ran them all through the laundry.

Now, they're snug.  Quite... fitted.  And I was all o.O

So I walked into the sewing room  with my incredibly form-fitted Henley and asked my wife how bad it looked.  And she said, "Well, now it looks like you're channeling Zach Quinto, rather than Chris Pine."   And I'm even more o.O

The intent is not to look like a specific person, but I *am* preferring to go for the Straight Male look.  Mostly because that's what I kinda like.

And that's when she said, "It's not like either look is bad.  It's just that Zach is all, 'I'm obviously gay but we just don't discuss it publicly,' and Chris is, 'But of course I'm straight... *wrist-flip*... DUH!'"

At that point, I lost it, and said, "I need to put that on LJ."

So... there are your Sunday LOLz.  And now, I'm off to the store to get a size larger.  :p

I'm not sure what you call them, but you know how when you type something into the Google search bar, it'll present a drop-down menu of the most popular options based on the first letters you've typed? 

I was bored to fucking tears today at work (I've been slammed all week, and NOW I get a break?!?), and decided to Google myself by screen name.  I went to Google and typed in "Mijan "... and as soon as I added the space after my name, I got "Mijan Eclipse" as the fourth option down.

I kinda stared at it for a second, not quite sure I was really seeing it, so I deleted and typed my screen name again.  And it happened again.  

So... holy shit.  *grins*

I also bounced a bit when I saw that I got recced on crackenterprise  today.  SQUEE!  "Crossfire" getting some fandom love, bbs!


In other news... I chopped my hair really short (even for me) and lightened it slightly.  I realized I was getting sick of timing and restricting my haircuts based on which costume I was going to wear at an upcoming convention.  I keep growing it out for the Frodo costume.  WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?  So I chopped it.  I like having a new look.  :D

And now... I'm off to the grocery store to brave the wilds.  We need milk, eggs, and wine for cooking.  *headdesk*

Hailing the crew of the USS Macchiato!

It's been far too long since we've had a party away mission.  I posted a poll on the ship's LJ community yesterday.  We've got 9 people of replying.  Thus far, the most popular date for the party seems like November 6th, with Seven of Nine people voting for that date.  (Slap me for that one later.)  Come on, guys - we have 44 members of the crew.  Granted, some folks live too far away to come very often, but we should be getting more replies than this!  And after this event, the next big event is the HOLIDAY PARTY.  Last year, we had an attendance of 24 people, and our little ship was practically in its infancy at the time.  It was an awesome party, and this year, we need to out-do that.  (Dude, how am I going to fit all these people in my house the Captain's Quarters?)

So, it's time to BOOST THE SIGNAL.  The Captain is alive and functional and is ready to give the "PUNCH IT!" command.  Let's get this ship - the finest ship ever to cruise the galaxy of fandom - back out there and ripping along at Warp Factor 9.

Here's the party planning post:
http://community.livejournal.com/kcmo_gqmf/16438.html

If you're a member of my crew (or would like to be), and you see this post, please cross-post about this on your LJ.  I want to get the whole crew involved again. 

HAILING FREQUENCIES OPEN!

(Also, I seriously need to review, revise, and update the Ship's Roster.  I remember almost everyone's ship-board positions, but I know I'm forgetting some of them.  That's very bad.  I should be able to remember everyone's duty position.  So I might put out a Ship Roster post soon to get an updated list.)

Okay, my fellow Trekkies and fandom brethren... I need advice.  I have time, so it's not an emergency, but I refuse to wait until the last stinkin' minute to figure this out.

I have approximately 126K words of (hopefully) decent-quality fanfiction that I would like to present to you in a few short weeks.  I need to figure out how best to present it to you.  How would you prefer to read such a fic? 

I've already figured out that posting to LJ would be evil and cumbersome and difficult.  If I had been posting it in sections, daily, I'd certainly do it that way, but I'm posting this all at once.  Even if I break it into pieces... I can't handle getting that many LJ entries cross-linked and activated within that short amount of time.  And yes, it MUST ALL BE POSTED IN ONE DAY.   Trying to do that on LJ would be evil.  Does. Not. Want!  So... how shall I do this?

Options:

1. Archive.  Broken into short pieces, maybe 10K to 15K each.
2. Archive.  Broken into longer pieces, maybe 20K to 30K each.
3. Self-designed web-page, hosted on a server, kinda like last year, but broken into maybe four pieces.
4. Self-designed web-page, hosted on a server, kinda like last year, but all in one gigantic page of doom.
5. Another amazing idea that Mijan has not yet considered.

If I do an archive, which one?  I'd really rather NOT use fanfiction.net.  It's kinda... just no.  So are there any archives that you guys particularly like?  That are easy to use but not crap-tastic?  That the Jim&Bones folks seem to like?

Also... here's another piece of bait... this isn't just a sequel to last year's fic.  This is part 2 of a trilogy.  Yeah, guys, I'm writing a trilogy.  Each step leads to the next step in character and universe development, and it all goes together.  I've had it planned that way since last year.  Whatever I end up doing in terms of posting technique/location, I'm going to want to post all of my fanfic in this trilogy arc to the same website.  I'll probably post AAtKM there before Crossfire goes up.  But before I do any of that, I need to figure out where and how to make this happen.

Ideas?  ANYONE?

HALP???

PRIMARY:  Less than one week go to now.  YAY!  I have purchased feminine protection for the LAST TIME EVAR (unless I pick some up for Trophy Wife).  Do you know how liberating that feels?  But more to the point, I won't have to delete one or two days every cycle from my calendar due to severe bleeding and pain that disrupts my life.  The cyst will be gone, too, of course.  Eighteen years of on-and-off torment will be over.  Not nervous - just relieved at this point.

SECONDARY:  My wife has misplaced her wedding ring.  Currently, she's wearing my wedding ring on her necklace and wearing the rainbow gemstone ring I gave her on her left ring finger.  I'm wearing my grandfather's old signet ring that I inherited on my ring finger so it's not naked.  (I'm really fond of that ring, actually, and I'm sad that the only finger it fits is my left ring finger - my right ring finger is significantly larger at the knuckle, so it's an excuse to wear it.)  HOWEVER, that got me thinking of something I've been considering for a while.  I've thought about getting a wedding-band tattoo on my left ring finger.  Cheesy, perhaps (although I've got a design in mind), but I like the idea of having something that nobody can remove from me.  I'll have to take off my wedding band on Monday when I go in for surgery.  If I have a wedding band tattoo, they can't remove it.  My Trophy Wife supports this idea.  I would never pressure her to get one - this is what I'm considering for myself.  What do you folks think?

TERTIARY: I've broken past my snippet of writer's block, and I'm writing the last few scenes of my Star Trek Big Bang fic.  This fic is rather overwhelming and huge, and I'm just hoping it works out the way I want it to.  I shouldn't be nervous, but you know me - I am.  I  hope people will like it.

QUATERNARY:  Really sick and tired of having religion thrown at me randomly, as if I should just simply accept it.  And it's always Christianity I'm being force-fed.  Random co-workers (not in my department - other departments), random folks around and about, businesses,   Why, people?  And how shall I respond?  Shall I respect this obnoxious, in-your-face, you-must-agree attitude from people, or shall I fire back?  Shall I tell them that it's not healthy for adults to cling to fairy tales?  Shall I cluck my tongue and shake my head sadly because they haven't converted to (X) other religion?  Shall I try to tell them of the joy of being a Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, or Pastafarian?  Really, I can't just keep going along with this.  I need a fair game plan of how I shall respond to future forceful intrusions of other people's religion on my life.

Okay, remember how I said that I wasn't going to go to Infinitus?  And then I said I WAS going, but that I was kinda indifferent?

Infinitus was AMAZING.

Yeah, you heard me.  I'll give you guys a more detailed write-up later, but seriously, pinkfinity was right - this was the one HP con that you just shouldn't have missed.  The Night of a Thousand Wizards was really THAT incredible.  I was so happy to see people again.  And going around the park on Sunday was... okay, I'll save the details for later.  But really, you should have been there.

HPEF is doing another con in 2012.  I know, this isn't my primary fandom anymore... but the PEOPLE, man.  The PEOPLE.  No other group of people in the world are like the HP fandomers.

Now... if only we could limit the Wizard Rock to one room instead of letting it spill into every hallway, open space, and orifice of the convention.

So, obviously, I needed to write a post detailing the OMFG THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED parts of Trek Fest.  You know - before I forgot it all in the post-TF insanity.

What I didn't really post were my actual thoughts on what happened, and my emotional response.  I'm still churning it over in my head.

We should all have a Bucket List of sorts.  Everyone should.  I keep adding things to mine, and checking them off as I go.  But I have three lists.  The first is the realistic list - things I can actually do by choice and effort, not by sheer dumb luck.  That includes stuff like a trip to Japan, swimming with dolphins, climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, and learning to surf.  Then there's the list that requires effort and skill, but also SOME element of chance.  That includes stuff like acting in a musical/play, saving someone's life in a direct effort, and getting published.

Then, there are the total pipe dreams - the things that would be nice to see actually happen, but I'm not crazy and I just know better.  Those things include traveling outside of our solar system, being the first human being to make alien contact, and having one of my childhood heroes sit down at a table with me and chat.

Pipe dreams.  Nothing more.

Then it happens.

I've spent the past 72 hours rehashing how I view myself in the grand scheme of things.  I'm still trying to rationalize that it actually happened.  (Note to self: it happened, there were witnesses.)  I'm still trying to figure out why I got up that morning before everyone else, with this unshakable feeling that I had to go park myself outside the cafe with my computer and a coffee and wait.  Sure, I was writing, but I was waiting.  It's like I knew something unusual was going to happen.  I wonder if, perhaps, I didn't bug out because I'd had that dream so many times.  Told myself that even though it was a pipe dream, that if I met one of my favorite actors, that THIS is how I'd behave.  Like rehearsing for the most far-fetched possibility as if it could really happen.

It was a bit like being in this bubble, hoping the bubble wouldn't burst.  I'm kinda kicking myself that I didn't offer to buy him a cup of coffee.  Kicking myself that I didn't ask about Babylon 5.  Wondering if it would have been acceptable to ask about DeForest Kelley, my other big childhood hero from TOS.  Wondering if I talked too much.  Wondering if I was being too demanding when I caught up with him and asked him to say hi to my mom.  Wondering if I really did act the way I always promised myself I would act if I EVER, in my wildest dreams, got to meet an actor in such a personal way.  Did I keep my cool?  Did I treat him like a regular person?  Did I say something utterly stupid in my attempt to maintain my cool?  Did he know that I really appreciated his time and conversation, and that I'm aware that there's a huge difference between a character and the actor?  Did I make a good impression?  I wonder.

If he'd been a jerk, I wouldn't care what he thought of me.  Instead, I met one of the sweetest people I've ever encountered.  I don't think it's just being star-struck that gave me that rose-tinted impression.  He just seemed really cool.  Particularly surprising considering how much he's gone through recently.  And no, for the record, I didn't ask about his son.  I'm sure other people have, but he knows that we all know, and I figured he might enjoy thinking about something different.  Still, I really wanted to ask how he's doing with that, and let him know that his fans care.  I also didn't ask him to say "nuclear wessels."  Didn't ask for an extra autograph.  Didn't ask him to pose for pictures.  Honestly, I didn't even think about it.  It didn't cross my mind.  i realized that belatedly, that I hadn't even considered those things while we were chatting.  Besides, a picture is just ink on paper.  I've got a memory to last a lifetime.  Dear gods, that's good enough.  More than good enough.  And it's because he was such a nice person that I actually care about the impression I made.  I hope it was good.

What struck me the most during the whole conversation was his smile.  He's got this warm, bright smile.  It lights up his whole face.  And even though he's not young, he almost bounces in his seat when he gets excited about something.  And there were moments, when he was leaning on the table, forearms folding in front of him, with this confidential-conversation sort of grin on his face, my brain saw Chekov, straight out of the movies.  And yet he was right there, sitting across from me, and it wasn't Chekov, it was Walter, and we were laughing and chatting about writing techniques and the military and baseball.  (He's a Yankees fan!  GAH!  I'm a lifelong Red Sox fan.  So we razzed each other back and forth about that.  Just like any baseball fans would.  I think I'm going to send him a fan-letter with a Red Sox keychain in it.) 

We talked about writing, but I would have felt awkward telling him about the plot for my original novel.  I would have felt more awkward telling him about my fanfiction plots.  I loved listening to him talk about his.  Now, I kinda wish I'd told him about my original plot idea.  More than that, I'd like to WRITE my original plot idea, and meet him again someday, with a copy of it in my hands.  I want to show him the dedication page, which will have three names on it, including his, because talking to him was the kick in the ass I needed to refocus on original writing.  I really hope I get the chance.  I hope he comes back to Trek Fest, but I wouldn't blame him if he didn't.    Still... yeah.

Anyway, I'm probably overthinking it, but overthinking is what I do.  It's part of what makes me ME.  It's part of why I write, too. 

I had a "fan encounter" that still blows my mind.  I still get just a bit watery around the eyes and tight in the throat thinking about it.  It makes me wonder... ponder... marvel.  It makes me hope that he remembers me, for what it's worth.  It makes me think that somewhere in my life, I must have done something right.  It makes me curious as to how I appear to others... what people see when they look at me and interact with me.

I've met so many awesome people in my life, but I don't run in famous circles.  My friends are awesome.  My fellow geeks are awesome.  The fan authors I know are awesome.  My USS Macchiato crew is awesome.  I'm delighted that I seem awesome enough to some of them that I find myself surrounded by so many incredible people.  But of all the random things in life, how did I manage to stand out enough that the star of the event would decide to sit down at my table and talk with me?  Maybe I'm just that obnoxious.  Or maybe I did something right.

Who knows. 

But now, I have three fanfiction novels to finish, and then I have an original story to write. 

I'm back from Arisia (geek convention in Boston), and I had a blast.  As always.  I love cons.  I love the people, the discussions, the randomness, the geekery, the excitement, the energy, the experience... all of it.  Arisia is an amazing convention, and if anyone feels like traveling for anything smaller than Dragon*Con, then Arisia is the regional convention to attend.  SO. MUCH. FUN.  I absolutely love it every time.

What I don't love is feeling like I've been hit by a steam roller. 

I went into Arisia already feeling a bit under the weather.  Not sick like a cold, but sick like dizzy and fatigued and faintly icky.  Now, I seem to have a very mild head cold on top of already feeling icky.  Feels like I've been kicked in the gut by a horse.  Vision is oddly blurry.  And gods, I just want to lie down.  But I'm at work, and I still have more work to do.

So now, I'm going to go play with radioactive waste.  WOO-freakin'-HOO.  And then I'm going to try to complete another training module for general HAZMAT qualification renewal.  And then I'm going to go home and collapse.  But I can't really collapse... for two reasons.

#1.  I'm going to ANOTHER convention this weekend, and I need to wash, dry, fold, and re-pack all of my costumes.

#2.  It's my wife's birthday, and I am determined to do SOMETHING for it. 

So, in summary:  Arisia was awesome.  I am *ded*.  I will post in detail about Arisia when I am not!*ded*.  Also, happy birthday DeForest Kelley - you are missed.  And Happy Birthday fiona_fawkes  - I love you, hun.

Hey all! 

If you're interested in attending the Star Trek Holiday Party at my house on January 2nd (this Saturday), please go to THIS POST and RSVP.

You do not have to be an official member of the group.  Just be a geek who likes Star Trek, likes parties, likes food, and likes hanging out with other geeks who like the same.  :D