Fic and Art: "In Perfect Trust" (4/4)

[mijan]

Title: "In Perfect Trust" (4/4)
Author: mijan
Artist: lizardspots
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: BDSM. Needleplay. Sounding.

Link to the previous sections: Part One, Part Two, Part Three




After a few seconds or a few minutes, Jim couldn't tell, Bones released his cock, the sound still in it. It felt odd and heavy, but he almost completely forgot about it when Bones' hands moved up to his arm, pulling Jim's awareness with them, and squarely back to the needles embedded there. There was a tugging and twisting sensation at the sharp point in his right forearm, and Jim realized that Bones was manipulating the needle in his arm. He whimpered, unable to find words, or even figure out what he'd want to say even if he could speak.

"This will keep your nerves awake here. I don't want you getting too comfortable, Jim, or slipping too deep into sub-space. I want you aware and cognizant for this." The hands moved up his arm to the next needle. Pressure, exquisite sharpness, and Jim swore the needle was connected to a nerve that went straight to his cock. "Keep breathing, Jim."

In a way, Jim couldn't understand why Bones needed to keep reminding him to breathe, but the burn in his lungs that had nothing to do with the burn in his skin seemed to confirm the necessity as Bones moved up to the third needle. Nerves firing, so intense, and he felt like he was on a g-force training shuttle, sailing up and down as forces beyond his control wreaked havoc on his body, leaving him wrung out and breathless with the all-consuming feeling of blood rushing in his ears. In the distance, he knew that Bones had moved to the needles on his chest - the faint pinch of pain, the spinning and flying sensation that gripped him, the feeling of sinking into the swirling darkness...

He was snapped back to a hazy reality by the unexpected thud of a fist against his sternum. He automatically coughed, then sucked in a deep lungful of air as Bones leaned over him, looking both worried and angry. "Goddammit, Jim, I told you - keep breathing. Focus with me, okay? There's a reason this is called edge-play, Jim - we're taking you up to the edge without letting you fall over it. You're new at this, so I'm taking you through slowly. I want this to end on a high note, not with you going into shock because you forgot to breathe, got it? If I have to stick a respirator mask on you, so help me, this becomes a real medical incident, and the fun stops. And mark my word, I will."

There was no doubt in Jim's fuzzy mind that Bones wasn't bluffing. "Yes, Doctor," he breathed. "I'm fine. I'll do it." To illustrate his point, he took a deep, slow, controlled breath. No inclination to argue, none whatsoever. Somewhere, he was aware of the fact that he'd do just about anything Bones told him to do just then, without hesitation, and he wondered how the hell he'd become so pliant. Bones telling him what to do... and just going along with it, without question... so simple. He trusted it like he'd never trusted anything.

"Good. Then keep your eyes open this time, Jim. Focus on the ceiling. Slow, deep breaths."

As Bones' fingers moved from needle to needle, Jim's eyes moved from ceiling panel to ceiling panel. Willingly, determinedly, Jim focused on the air rushing into and out of his lungs as each needle twisted in place. By the time Bones had made it around to the left side of his body and was twisting the last one, the comforting yet startlingly alive buzz had descending over him again, moving with the ebb and flow of Bones' movements, words, commands. The hands never left his body, keeping him present and grounded in his own skin. It was good, very good, and through his muted awareness, he latched onto the simple fact and unwavering truth that as long as he listened to Bones, and did what he was told, everything would be good, very good.

And then Bones was moving back around to the right, and his hands were back on Jim's cock. Relaxed but acutely aware, Jim forced himself to breathe and focus as he felt pressure on the sound, and then the sensation of it being slowly, carefully withdrawn... but this time, it came all the way out. Jim writhed, straining with his hips. The arousal was both distant and intense, vivid and muted, and he wanted... wanted something. He let himself whimper, and Bones chuckled. "Not yet, Jim."

The hands were back, and something plastic was pressed against his urethral opening. "Just a bit more lubricant, Jim," Bones said as Jim felt the thick fluid being forced into him.

"More...?" Jim asked vaguely, torn between his curiosity and the raw sensation of what was being done to him. His voice sounded strange to his own ears, but he stopped when he felt a cool piece of metal touching the head of his cock.

"This one's a little bit bigger, Jim. Keep breathing, got it?"

Weakly, Jim nodded, and he tried to say yes, but it came out as a wordless whimper.

"Good. Now relax."

This wasn't just a little bit bigger. At least, that's what Jim's nerves were screaming as the sound pressed in and sank into his cock, inch by mind-blowing inch. Thank god he used more lube, Jim thought vaguely, but mostly, thinking was beyond his capability. The pressure on his cock was coming from the inside and the outside and everything was so tight and hot and cold and all he could manage was to keep breathing, in and out, in and out. Finally, it stopped moving and Jim looked down to see the rounded tip of the sound nestled snugly against the tip of his cock, and he could imagine the shaft of metal embedded through the entire length of it. Bones' hand was wrapped around his prick, not really squeezing, but supporting it. Having someone touching his cock wasn't anything new, but this was something he'd never felt before. The sensation was so vivid, so strong, so fucking arousing, and he both desperately wanted Bones to stroke him, but feared that if he did, it would be too much... too much.

"You're doing really well, Jim," Bones said, his tone steady and reassuring. "Your blood pressure is a little bit high, so try to relax, okay?"

At that, Jim choked out a laugh. "Relax? Bones, you've got your hand wrapped around my cock, which is skewered by a piece of metal, a dozen needles stuck in my arms and chest, and you want me to relax?" It sounded like his own voice, and it sounded like something he'd say, but it didn't feel like the words were coming out of his own mouth.

"Yes, I do." He let go of Jim's cock and moved up, taking Jim's wrist in his hand, fingers pressing on his pulse. "I've got one more sound that I'm going to use on you. Just one. I want you to be ready for it, and I don't want you to blank out on me. Not until I let you. Now listen to me. Focus on my voice." With his one hand still monitoring Jim's pulse, his other hand began to run up Jim's arm, stopping at the first needle. "You've never had someone take care of you before. You've never let someone take care of you before. You don't know how."

The needle did something strange against a nerve in Jim's arm, and he felt something jolt up his limb, and he twitched and gasped, but Bones held his arm firmly by the wrist. "Easy there, Jim. Listen, you're quite something when you're in charge, running the show. You're good at that. You don't have to let anyone else run things, you don't have to let yourself go in front of anyone you don't trust." The next needle twisted, and the rush up and down his body went right back to his aching cock. Bones kept talking. "But sometimes, even you need to let go, kid. You've needed this for longer than you know." The third needle tugged against the skin of his tricep, making him groan, but not struggle. "You trust me, or you never would have come here tonight. So relax, Jim. Let me do this. Relax." Fourth needle, fourth twist, a desperate moan, but Jim felt himself relaxing, lulled by the soft words. Acutely aware of his own body, Jim could almost feel his own heart slowing down, as if Bones could control that by his words alone, even as the rest of him seemed to shiver and throb with sensation. "Good. Good." Bones' grasp on his wrist was steady and firm. "How're you doing in there, Jim?"

"Green," Jim heard himself say, the response easy and clear, despite the strange echoing that seemed to reverberate through him as he said it.

"Good," Bones said once more, then he leaned in close and said in a low growl, "And I should mention... goddammit Jim, the sight of you right now is one of the hottest things I've ever seen."

Jim groaned as Bones released his wrist, struck by the throaty rumble in Bones' voice, the heavy, possessive gaze. Holy fuck, he's getting off on this, too.

That tiny scrap of coherent thought was swept away a second later as those hands were back on his cock, and the sound was slowly eased out of his shaft, sending jolts through his groin and stomach. He wanted to writhe, wanted to touch himself, wanted to come, but this wasn't in his hands - this was up to Bones, and the only thing he could do was to relax and take it and experience every moment of it. There was something small and non-metallic held against the tip of his cock again, and Jim didn't need Bones to tell him that it was another bit of lubricant, but he did anyway. Calm and steady, despite the virtual assault on his senses, Bones was guiding him through it all, even as the cool metal of the last sound began to press into him.

The stretch was overwhelming and just on the edge of being unbearable, but it wasn't too much, wouldn't be too much. Bones wouldn't give him more than he could take. Bones had it all under control. Bones had Jim under control, and that was okay. It was right. The sound sunk deeper, and just when Jim was sure that it had reached all the way to his core, it stopped.

"Look up, Jim."

Jim was beyond any ability to think for himself, and could only do exactly as he was instructed. He lifted his head to see the thick bulb of the sound at the top of his cock, pinched between Bones' thumb and forefinger. He couldn't pull his eyes away as Bones slowly twisted the sound between his fingers, couldn't do anything but continue to breathe as the sound was partially withdrawn and then sunk back into his cock, couldn't quite ignore the overwhelming urge to thrust his hips back up to meet it. Bones must have anticipated it, because he planted one hot, possessive hand on Jim's hip, holding him down and pinning him in place as surely as the restraints on his wrists and ankles.

"Damn, Jim, if you're not careful, I'm gonna think you're enjoying yourself or something."

It was a chuckle and a tease, but all Jim could think was that Bones was reading every wanton, desperate twitch of his body. "Nnnrgh!"

"Yes, I think you are." He wrapped his other hand around Jim's cock and tugged downwards lightly, and Jim realized that with every stroke, Bones was going to stimulate both the inside and outside of his prick. "Yes, that's it, kid. Just like that."

Jim shuddered. Bit his lower lip. Turned his head side to side, but couldn't stop looking away. "Bones," he panted. "Can you... can you..."

"I told you, Jim, let me take care of everything." Bones hand kept stroking gently, but the effect was anything but gentle. The welcome assault on every nerve in his cock was intense, as if it was pulling every other sensation in his body straight into his groin.

Jim blinked and stared. "Bones, please, I need... need to stop looking... or I'm..."

Bones' eyes went wide, and his eyebrow jumped up as his mouth fell open in amusement. "Yes, Jim, you can stop looking."

Like a tether had been cut, Jim's head fell back against the table, stunned by how easy it was to follow Bones' instructions, but too overwhelmed by the sensations to care. The smooth metal on the inside, and Bones' rough hands on the outside of his shaft filled his consciousness, and he shivered. Breathe, reminded the echo of Bones' instruction to him, and he forced his lungs into a smooth rhythm, in and out, in and out, as the sound was smoothly drawn in and out, in and out. The friction was slight, but the pressure, and the feeling of being impossibly full drove through his being, and he could feel his balls tugging, tensing closer to his body.

"No, Jim, not yet."

He whimpered, but felt his own heightening arousal held back. "Mmmph."

"It's okay, Jim. Soon," he said, stroking again.

Jim shivered again, his skin twitching as the shudder worked its way from his groin to every inch of his body. It tugged against each needle in his arms and across his chest. Pulled against the restraints on his wrists and ankles. Came back to the hand on his prick that was still working up and down carefully, cautiously, too cautiously. "Please..."

"Almost, Jim." The hand that was stroking didn't stop, but there was an odd pressure on the ring that was still squeezing the base of his cock. "This is a little something I picked up on leave last summer. Was wondering when I'd get a chance to use it. Got a clever unlocking mechanism... like this."

The ring suddenly released, and Jim couldn't stop himself from crying out as he felt his balls clenching tighter, tighter... and the sound was being pulled out in one smooth movement. "Now, Jim."

The command was his release, and his orgasm ripped through him, not just through his cock and his groin, but through every part of his body. Nerves singing, pulsing, screaming screaming through him, and distantly, he was aware of the fact that he was screaming. There were hands on his face, framing his cheeks and holding him through it, taking care of everything. Bones was right there, speaking softly in his ear.

"I've got you, Jim. Let it all go. Ride through it, Jim. It's okay."

It's okay? It's... One of the hands brushed his cheek, a thumb wiping something wet from below his eye, and Jim realized that somewhere in the middle of it, he'd begun crying. It made no sense - he wasn't upset, sad, or in distress, but the room was blurry as he blinked away tears that had been set loose as surely as his own orgasm. Release. The word whispered through his thoughts, and it didn't matter that the tears leaked down his cheeks even as the last pulses of his orgasm shuddered through him. Exposed, raw, vulnerable, and it was okay, because Bones had him.

"Are you okay, Jim?" The voice was soft and concerned, close but oddly distant now.

Jim thought he nodded, but he was too far gone into the fuzzy haze that was blanketing his thoughts to be sure. He must have, because Bones made a reassuring sound.

"Okay. I'm right here. I've got to take those needles out. Stay with me, Jim."

"Mmmmm."

The hands fell away from his cheeks, and he heard Bones moving around him. First, a soft towel wiped his cock and his stomach. Next there was the rustle of fabric and the light tugging as his restraints were released, one by one, finishing each time with Bones massaging his wrist or ankle tenderly. He couldn't stop the whimper he gave in response each time, and by the noises of approval he heard in reply, it was okay. Then there were hands on his left arm. Something soft pressed over the needle in his shoulder, there was a faint twinge as the needle was smoothly withdrawn, and then the clatter of plastic on plastic as it was discarded. A moment later, the soft pressure was removed, then pressed against his triceps. The faint burn of the next needle coming out drew a gasp, but it was weak and distant and nothing more than a breath. There was a reassuring touch on his hip, then the next needle was removed. As Bones moved around his body, each needle being removed seemed to release Jim from the strange tethers that were keeping him pinned to awareness. The only things keeping him in the present, in his body, were the firm, sure touch of Bones' hands and the steady rhythm of his own breath. One after another, slowly releasing, letting him go. Letting everything go. And Bones would catch him... just letting go...

*********

Leonard removed the final needle from Jim's chest and dropped it into the small sharps box on the floor, being sure to keep constant contact with Jim, skin to skin. After a release like that, Jim was probably more vulnerable than he'd ever been before. He wasn't used to dealing with the high emotions that can overwhelm a person during an intense scene like that, nor the subsequent come-down. The physical was the easy part; if this was all about the physical, nobody would do these things anyway. You could only take the body so far. The mind could go so much further, and the emotions further still.

With his free hand back on Jim's chest, Leonard pulled away the gauze pad. There was a small spot of blood, but the puncture wasn't bleeding, so he dropped it into the sharps container as biohaz and turned his full attention to the thoroughly wrung-out man on the table in front of him. Jim's head was tilted to the side, his eyes were closed, and Leonard didn't think he'd ever seen Jim looking so relaxed, so peaceful. On one level, it was almost an unfathomable contrast to the red marks on his skin and the intensity of what he'd just been through, but Leonard knew why it fit so well, why it made so much sense. His own satisfaction was there, bared and exposed like Jim was, and he ran his hand across Jim's shoulder and squeezed his arm, feeling both protective and possessive. At that point, they felt like the same thing.

He glanced to the side and checked the readout on his PADD, which he'd propped up on the nearby coffee table. Jim's higher brain activity was decreasing, which was to be expected as he came back from such an intense high. The small nutrient booster he'd given Jim earlier had been thoroughly spent; glucose and electrolyte levels were down again. Surface capillaries were starting to constrict, and Jim was probably going to pass out pretty soon. Under Leonard's hand, he could feel Jim starting to shiver.

He reached over and grabbed the hypospray and another nutrient vial. "Jim. Hey, Jim, can you hear me?"

"Mmm... yeah, Bones. 'm listnin." He shuddered. "'m cold."

"I know, Jim. I'll take care of that." He pressed the hypospray to Jim's neck and frowned when Jim didn't even flinch. Yeah, the kid was pretty far gone, but at least he'd had quite the good time getting there. No surprise that he was crashing. "Here, I need you to sit up now so we can get you over to the bed. That's good." He took Jim's weakly offered hand and pulled him upright. "Come on, lean on me, kid. There we go. One foot in front of the other."

Jim was almost stumbling as Leonard helped him across the room and eased him onto the bed. Leonard sat down next to him, then shifted him around so that Jim's limp form was resting against his own chest. From there, he pulled up the blanket and covered them both. It was a snug fit, but he wasn't going to let Jim go anytime soon, and he wasn't surprised at all that Jim curled up and pressed against him tightly.

"Jim?" He reached up and combed his fingers through Jim's hair. "Are you okay?"

Jim only nodded against his chest, making a small sound in his throat. It wasn't a particularly coherent answer, but that was fine. Leonard had him, and was going to take care of him, just like he always had. And, he suspected, just like he always would. Somehow, he liked that idea, and held Jim a bit tighter.

Yeah, he'd been nervous when he'd started, though he'd never let Jim know that. It had been a long time since he'd played like this, but more than the hiatus, now he was sure that Jim himself was the reason he'd been nervous. Other people - they were just play. Intimate, sure. Intense, of course. But this was Jim, and as long as he'd known the kid, Jim had been so much more. He hadn't wanted to let himself think about it too much, but now that he'd seen Jim sprawled out, restrained, exposed, panting, gasping, moaning, screaming... yeah, he'd wanted Jim for a long time. Never thought he'd get the chance, really, but this, now - fuck. The feel of Jim's flesh yielding to him, his body complying with every cue, reacting to every touch, and sweet lord, when Jim hadn't been able to look away until he'd given him the goddamned command... the pure memory of it sent a thrill through his own body, right back down to his own aching groin.

He'd take care of that later. Right now, he was still taking care of Jim. Ran his hand over Jim's forehead, then down to the kid's pulse on his neck. He loved the feel of Jim's pulse under his fingertips - the feel of Jim's heartbeat, life beating strong and vibrant through his body. Knowing that Jim had entrusted that life in Leonard's hands, fully and completely, was the greatest gift he thought he'd ever been given. The thrill of it was as intense as the responsibility, and his pleasure was Jim's trust.

"Mmmm," Jim hummed contentedly, the sound vibrating through his chest and into Leonard's. "You like that," he mumbled. "Like checkin' my pulse, don't ya?"

"Yeah, Jim, I do," he admitted openly, then shifted his hand over Jim's chest. "It tells me that you're okay, you masochistic brat, and that's important."

"Mas'chistic, yeah," Jim slurred, "but you'll keep me from bein' stupid."

"I'll try, Jim. I'll try."

"Someone's gotta." He tucked more tightly into the blanket with a soft sigh, and Leonard felt a little twinge of warmth in his own chest.

"Then I guess I'm glad it's me," Leonard said softly into Jim's hair, brushing his lips against the top of Jim's head in a not-kiss that he hoped wasn't too much, too forward.

"Mmmm," Jim hummed again. "Like that. Like what you did to me." He paused, and his body tensed just slightly. "It's okay, right?" A hint of uncertainty had crept back into his voice. "It's not weird that I liked it, right?"

"I told ya, kid, it's no weirder than anything else people do," he said in a low growl. "And if it's so weird, well... I like it, too, right?"

"Hmmm." Jim's body relaxed again, and he chuckled. "Yeah, y'do." Jim squirmed in place and Leonard felt him intentionally pressing up against his own erection which he'd been trying to will into submission.

Leonard shook his head. "Leave it, Jim. I'll take care of it later. You rest. Maybe we'll take care of it all next time."

"We'll do this again?"

A thrill of both satisfaction and anticipation shot through Leonard, and he squeezed Jim just a bit tighter to his chest. "I think so, Jim. Yeah, we will."

"Thanks, Bones," Jim whispered as his body relaxed even further against Leonard. "For everything."

Leonard couldn't stop the broad grin that crept across his face, and he didn't want to. "You're welcome, Jim. You're absolutely welcome." He stroked his hand through Jim's hair again. "Now you sleep. Everything else can wait. Relax... and rest."

A few moments later, he was sure that Jim had fallen asleep or passed out - at that point, it was all the same - but he was sated, safe, and resting soundly, and it was the most satisfying feeling that Leonard had felt in years. He leaned his own head back against the pillows, clutching Jim to himself. Still smiling, but softer this time, he pressed a soft kiss into Jim's hair and whispered, "Thank you, Jim."

When he woke up, hours later, a pair of bright blue eyes were gazing back up at him, in perfect trust.

Comments

[oohyaoi.livejournal.com]

ugh, this was just amazing. i'm speechless. the intimacy was written so well. i felt like i was going on the ride with jim. i'm....ok, I'm no longer able to express myself. i was just so blown away. excellent work!

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Speechless means I must have done a good job! I'm glad you enjoyed it. *grins* Thank you!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_delphinus/]

O my... absolutely breathtaking story, like, literally. Real, honest-to-god real BDSM scene's descriptions are so rare and this one is just brilliant!
Characters are so in-character, I could hear their voices when they speaking.
Thank you!

Also incredible art! My sincere admiration to the lizardspots. Am I right, that's the same artist that drew art for "And All the King's Men"?

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thank you so much! Yeah, I don't write porn or BDSM often, but when I do, it's gotta be realistic. And characterization is important to me, so I'm thrilled that it worked so well for you!

Ah yes, lizardspots is awesome. She did do an illustration for "And All the King's Men," which was also brilliant. I'm constantly amazed by her skills. :)

[sangueuk.livejournal.com]

Wow! And there was I thinking you only wrote gen – lol!

BDSM isn’t my thing either, well maybe very, very light but this was all about the relationship and you drew that with such assurance. But you know what I loved the most? Your writing. The pacing was extraordinary and the level of detail was perfect, enough to bring us into every moment but not so much as to clog the reader down. This was amazing, even though I winced like hell during the sounding, I loved knowing what it felt like, no – I loved reading how you wrote it. Does that even make sense?

Very satisfying read, thank you!

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Hehe - nope! I write all sorts of stuff. I write MOSTLY genfic because I think in terms of plots and character development. I want my stories to move the characters through a plot while a certain set of personal character developments take place... and the standard falling-in-love/lust stuff bores me. So when I do write porn, I've gotta write something that digs into the characters' heads, puts them through an ordeal, and takes them to a new place by the end of the story.

And... I'm immensely flattered that you like how I write. That's an enormous compliment, because it was really only this year that I fully considered myself to be a writer, but I love to tell stories, and I love for them to feel REAL. I mean, I think in all five senses, and when I write, I want to bring the reader into exactly what I'm imagining. So, I write it in a way that I hope will bring the reader fully along for the ride. I'm glad it works. Thank you for reading! :)

[vala3.livejournal.com]

OMG!!! I can't believe how much I enjoyed this. (Am I kinky or what?) But your descriptions of this was like loving bondism and with exceptional caring thrown into it. Loved the way Bones was so in control and Jim was able to be 'freed'. Gonna add this to my fav list.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Nothing wrong with enjoying a little kink! Didn't Bones just go to great lengths to convince Jim of that exact thing? *grins*

To me, good BDSM has to have an intense amount of compassion and caring. As Bones said, he cares enough to inflict the very best, and while it sounds like a joke, it's really the core of a good BDSM arrangement. :)

I'm delighted you like it! Thank you!

[mardia.livejournal.com]

...whoo boy, did not see that coming. Or rather, did not expect to enjoy that as much as I did. Damn. BDSM and needleplay aren't usually what I go looking for in a fic, but I am super glad I read this, because holy shit, it was absolutely amazing and super hot, and what I loved the most was that it never felt like you'd lost track of the characters along the way. A lot of time with kinkfic, it's not so much me having a problem with the particular kink as it is that the writers hasn't really convinced me that the characters would actually be into that kink, but man, you had me TOTALLY convinced here. Bravo.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

A lot of people have said that - that they don't usually read BDSM fics, or that these aren't their kinks, but they loved this. I'm kinda curious - what led you to read this when it's not typically your thing? Either way, I'm delighted that you did, and immensely flattered that you enjoyed it.

The thing is, whether I'm writing porn and BDSM (which I don't do often), or if I'm writing and action/adventure gen fic, it's GOT to be about the characters, and I've got to feel the characters the whole way through it. And yes, even with kink... the specific kinks have to match the characters' psychology. It has to work. I'm glad that the people who have read my fics get the same feel out of it. :)

Thank you again!

[kaitlyn142.livejournal.com]

Needles are actually a huge squick of mine (I use them every day at work. It took a month before I stopped freaking out about picking them up), but you are one of my favorite fic writers, so I gave it a chance. I loved the portrayal of the relationship, even though I had to skip over a lot of the actual details.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I understand needing to skip some parts. I deeply appreciate that you gave this story a try, despite the content. ♥

[orphica.livejournal.com]

Can't say more than what others have in terms if the story and the artwork (sooo glad lizardspots got into ST too, always loved her art) but I loved it and I greatly appreciate that you took the time to make it more than just a PWP. I hope we get to see more of these two like this, even if
it's not porn and dealing with the day after. Not that I'm trying to give you any hints or ideas or anything. *cough* ;)

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thank you! See, I have a hard time writing PWP. Just can't do it. There doesn't seem to be a point. I like character exploration and development, and if I'm going to write porn, there has to be an element of that in the story.

More stories like this, huh? Well, if I get inspired, right? :D

[garglingargoyle.livejournal.com]

Wow. How I do so love a bdsm story that focuses on the sensation and the emotion of the scene. This is aces. Just. Freaking aces. Thank you.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :D

[lucianwolf.livejournal.com]

I was absolutely amazed at how well you were able to educate clearly and correctly about the depths of BDSM without ever sounding like you were. That takes mad!skillz.

And the way you described McCoy's tension, the tension he couldn't reveal for Kirk's peace of mind - god, that's so true.

And Kirk's desperate need to be held down and controlled to relieve the tension.

And the beautiful point that you were able to make with such skill - it had to be somebody he trusted with not only his life, but with his entire being.

And the details! The snapping of the needle casings, the repeated sounding lubricant, the difference between just topping and being truly in control!

And Kirk goes off to think!

God - you understand!

And you've made me think far too much about things I'd rather not deal with. But that's okay. :)

Truly amazing.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I'm deeply flattered by this. Thank you. :)

The intent wasn't to educate, but to tell a realistic story. If that was educational by coincidence, then I'm glad of it.

I'm a Dom-oriented Switch, and I've experienced both sides of the coin, so this story is based on a combination of personal experience combined with an understanding of the characters. Of course McCoy would have his own tension and insecurities, which he would have to hide in his role as a Dom. Of course Kirk would go off to think just then, and McCoy would know that he NEEDED to go off and think. And the little details like the snapping needle casings and other cues that trigger the senses for the sub... gods above and below, that's the stuff that makes the scene. If that takes skillz.. then I'm glad I have them. *grins* I know how much depth there really is in a good BDSM scene, relationship, arrangement, agreement, or whatever, and I wish more fics showed that. The kink itself is just a surface-level manifestation of the inherent trust between the people involved.

But... I'm glad that it comes through that I have some decent depth of understanding about this stuff. It's kinda important to me, and I can't write about BDSM without being real about it. I apologize for making you think about stuff that might have been uncomfortable, but if nothing else, I'm glad that you seem to have enjoyed the ride. Thank you for the thoughtful comment!

And... if my reply has been rambling or odd... I apologize... I'm working off the New Year's champagne right now... and I'm a little bit tipsy. :)

[fahye.livejournal.com]

Huh. I'm going to be thinking about that one for a while. Lizard pointed me here and, like her, I'm a medical student, and the idea of a medical kink such as this one is pretty much new territory for me. I won't lie, I don't think I can say I found it hot, but I found it ... mind-expanding, in a very good way :)

That said, my personal kinks have a lot to do with control and trust and giving instructions, and so there were a lot of moments where what Bones was thinking/feeling struck a chord in me. Interesting to see the areas where BDSM overlaps with medical play, and where sex is/isn't involved.

Plus, it's just plain well-written, and I admire your pacing and characterisation enormously.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I'm deeply flattered that you took a chance reading it, despite the fact that this might be unusual territory for you to read, and even more flattered that you found it mind-expanding, as you said. That's a huge compliment to me. Not everything is BDSM is going to be a kink for everyone, and to me, the kink is secondary to the trust and relationship dynamics. I'm thrilled that you found an element that you could relate to. And, of course, tickled that you like the writing and characterizations.

Than you for taking the time to read! :)

[sra-danvers.livejournal.com]

Oh My! Amazing the art, and the story... Uf, so hot! and so in character and... amazing too!

Thanks to both of us!

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!

[twilightsorcery.livejournal.com]

asdfkv234asdf9uqw!@@!!!

Holy crap, this is not even remotely my kink, but I think it might be the hottest thing I've ever read, because it is so utterly *their* kink. I was glad Bones kept reminding Jim to breathe, because I kept forgetting to. This was so intense.

And the art! Sounding usually makes me really squeamish, but that? Was amazing. The light, their expressions, and the tension in Jim's body all drove home the intensity of the fic.

Excellent collab, you two. I am so, so impressed.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *grins* See, I've found that it's less about which specific kinks are being written, and more about how those kinks affect the characters. It's the emotions of the scene, not the mechanics. That's what I love about it. Honestly, I think I kept having Bones remind Jim to breathe during the story because I kept forgetting while I was writing it. And when Lizard showed me the art... I think I DID forget for a moment! I'm glad you liked it! Thank you!

[claudia-nic.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhhhh...this was just sooooooo....well I don't think the word has been invented to describe this! Can we have more of it?

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Well, no more right now. I've got other fics I'm working on. But there are other fics I've got on my masterlist, if you're interested. I'm glad you liked this one! :)

[la-dissonance.livejournal.com]

Guh, this was fabulous! One of the most well-constructed and emotionally resonant kink fics I've read in a long time. Your ideas about Jim and his trust issues rang so true they're now part of my canon, jsyk. :)

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Why thank you! I do a lot of fics that have strong character-study elements, and Kirk has been the focus of a lot of those. I don't often write NC-17 fic, when I do, there's got to be some substance to it, and it has to fit. This is actually a branch-off outtake from the Academy-era universe I'm currently writing, which digs a lot into Jim's issues, weaknesses, and strengths. My fics "And All the King's Men" and "Convergence" are both parts of that universe... if you're interested. :)

But also... I can readily admit that I have a good deal of real-life BDSM experience, so I understand a lot about the mind-set of a Dom and a sub... and that gave me a platform on which to work out how those roles might apply to characters like Jim and Bones. It gave me a chance to explore the trust issues that I'm SURE that Jim has in a way that didn't feel sappy or emo. I had fun with it, and I'm delighted that you enjoyed it! :D

(Okay, sorry for the rambling. I do that when I'm sleepy.)

[danahid.livejournal.com]

I saved the link for this fic when you posted it originally, but I didn't have a chance to read it before today. As usual, your writing knocked me over with its detailed and generous characterization, its sharp observations of this relationship, its deep emotionality.

Although I found the subject matter a little tricky at time (my unfamiliarity was a stumbling block), I thought you handled it with grace, writing tension that kept me reading to the end.

And the artwork was indeed lovely.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I know that this is unfamiliar subject matter for a lot of people, but I hoped that the emotions, characterization, and descriptions would pull it through. I'm glad it worked!

(And sorry I didn't reply right away. It seems that LJ didn't send me a notification about your comment!)

[asimaiyat.livejournal.com]

It looks like everything has already been said, so I'll just agree that this fic is lovely and amazing and I squeed at quite a few points. :D

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Awww, thank you! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it!

[tinuvieldreams.livejournal.com]

Oh wow.

I am needle phobic. And I almost turned back at the warning, but I've only ever read one fic involving sounding before, so I figured I'd just skip over the needles... That turned out to be not so easy, and now I've got a new reason to get past this fear: I really want to reread this story as a whole, because the parts that I didn't squick out on were so amazing. I feel like I missed out on a really good thing because I couldn't take it as a complete work.
I love the way you presented this, where the emotions run so deep in the kink, and the scene itself is well-written and quite powerful. Good going.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that this hit on your phobia, hun. I'll be absolutely honest - I had a horrible phobia of needles for years. Took me a long time to get over it. This actually helped.

I hope you'll be able to give it a try eventually. I'm glad you liked it, despite your own discomfort with the subject matter. Thank you for reading anyway!

[heatherhouse.livejournal.com]

Wow...I...

See this has kind of warmed me up to BDSM. My best friend is a Dom and she keeps telling me she will 'not' take me to dungeons with her because I am 'fresh meat'. But I'm starting to think this is a completely different kind of BDSM. And while this fic was absolutely melting in every way, (which means I'm friending you for more literary goodness), it's got me interested in this again.

Thank you so much for writing this, it was absolutely captivating, raw and addicting. I loved it <3

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Aaah, see, there are as many ways to approach BDSM as there are people who indulge in BDSM. It can be soft, sensual, intimate, and profoundly emotional, or it can be hard, edgy, public, and distant. It depends on what you want. I understand your friend's point - SOME dungeons and groups have this unfortunate habit of treating newbies like nothing more than fresh meat. They hope to influence people's introduction into BDSM in their own image, and some people are little better than sexual predators.

However... my personal experience in the scene has been very good. I found a private group of wonderful people that I trusted very much (still do, but I moved across the country), had a good mentor, learned things well, and was able to develop my own approach without being negatively pressured. BDSM is whatever you make of it, and as far as I'm concerned, when done right, a BDSM scene is one of the most intensely intimate, emotional, and open ways two people can interact. The actual kink itself is secondary to the emotions and trust involved. Granted, the kink is definitely *important*... if something isn't your thing, it doesn't matter how much you trust a person - you're probably not going to enjoy it. But still... this is very similar to the sort of emotions, trust, and headspace (both for the top and bottom) that I've experienced and witnessed in scene. I hope that if you decide to explore BDSM, you find good experiences and good people. Because yes, it really can be that good.

♥

Thank you for reading! I'm glad you liked it!

[tokyo-pt.livejournal.com]

Oh man. Ooooh man. Oh. Man. Oh m... *mind blown*

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'll take the speechless sort of thing as the highest sort of compliment. :)

[brererabbit.livejournal.com]

ive grown up with medical things always being a part of my life and never saw it in this light before.

and i have to say that the amount of knowledge and detail put into the medical terms and the art are perfect and brilliant.

i agree with the mashing of kink buttons. i must go say hello to mr happyfuntime now. <3

and PS bones with this kink i ship so hard with anything like ive never shipped before.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! It's been said that if something exists, there's a kink for it. Medical kink is probably as popular as it is for pretty much all the reasons I showed in the story - yet another way to cause sensation in the human body, combined with the emotional intimacy a scene like that would cause. Intense stuff. *grins*

I'm delighted that it mashed the kink buttons. And Bones with this kink... so wrong, yet so undeniably RIGHT. Thank you again! Have fun!

[joirerson.livejournal.com]

So, urethra!kink is not my thing, at all. But holy hell, this was hot and satisfying.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

LOL... it's not my usual kink, either... but someone had put it up for a challenge and I latched onto the idea of writing it. Several other concepts came into play, and this was the result. I'm glad you enjoyed it! (Jim certainly did.)

[grumblclamorcat.livejournal.com]

OK, now, this was the other one I was planning on commenting on this morning, but *ahem* I got distracted *shifty eyes* Yeah, that's it... But *whew, wipes sweat up, dusts off clothes, climbs back onto feet* WOW!

And it's so totally odd, because IRL, I am probably the most vanilla person you could imagine (although I think I'm also pretty relaxed and unflappable - but I could be wrong, LOL), and there are some - several - kink fics I've read that just - whoa! - send me! You know, partly "Wow, what would it really BE like to fly like that?" and partly goggle-eyed fascination OMG-naughty-bad-HOT!!!!!

Obviously, this is now one of a rather select group for me - and WITH a pairing that, 72 hours ago, would have made me think, "Oh, no way!!"

Interestingly enough, looking back over the comments, I think I agree with most of 'em: it's not the kink, exactly, but it's the character development/interaction that shapes the kink. I think. *grinz*

At any rate, you do that very, VERY well!

Now, where's my next damn fic???? ;-)

(Yeah [points to username], I grumble and clamor until good authors give me MORE! Naow!!!! *smirk* Yeah, vanilla or not, I'm bad...)

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Really? Just 72 hours ago, you wouldn't have read this? Well, I'm glad I had the chance to expose you to something new!

As you can probably guess, I'm actually not vanilla. The reason the psychology works with the characterization and the kink this way is because I actually do understand it. And it's true - it's not WHAT the kink is that makes kink hot, but how a person REACTS to it. It's about the emotions and trust involved, and how it impacts the characters. And really, that's how kink works in RL, too.

I'm delighted that you enjoyed how I presented it! *grins*

I promise... more fic as soon as I can. Quality over quantity, m'dear! It might take me a bit longer to write, but I promise that I'll never post bad fic. :D

[lahgategirl.livejournal.com]

I normally don't really like play with needles but that was very hot. I like how Bones knew how to take care of Jim during and after everything. Hope you write a sequel to this because I would love to see what Bones does to him next time.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

It's not about the specific kink - it's about how the characters handle the kink and react to it. And the Dom being able to take care of the sub is absolutely key to making a scene work, so Bones (being a good Dom) would always know how to take care of his sub... especially Jim. *grins* I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you!

[rubymiene.livejournal.com]

Excellent, as usual. Needleplay isn't my kink, but it was a fun and interesting read nonetheless. McCoy definitely has a sadistic streak with that hypospray.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you seemed to like it, even if it wasn't your kink! And yeah, McCoy definitely has a sadistic, controlling streak... and he's demonstrated it with Jim and his trusty hypospray quite clearly. And Jim seems to trust him with it, even if he gripes a little bit. I think it's because even when Bones seems sadistic, he still seems to care. :)

Thanks for reading!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

There's no question I was a little uncertain when I first ran across this fic. Primarily because it's consensual BDSM. I get all worried that the sexy is going to be taken out of the fiction when BDSM in its full, consensual, safeword-laden glory is depicted. Most of the time I want villains and victims flinging each other around, torturing the hell out of each other and to hell with what the victim wants. Because it's fiction.

I am so so so so so so so so SO glad you guys sat me down and said, "Don't miss this, we want you not to miss this." Holy fridge, am I glad. Mijan, your Bones is exactly the Bones I love, with his colloquial know-it-all air, the way he cares about his job because he loves being good at his job, and his fondness for Kirk's clever, cocky nature, despite how much trouble it gets Kirk into. (And Bones, too.) That alone was enough to suck me in, to say, yes, I DO want to see how Bones would set up a BDSM scene, with every safeword, every sterilized needle, every caution taken towards someone under his hands. How fantastically sexy is it that his technology can read the endorphins? And doing this for Kirk, not in a "I find you unbearably hot and want to do your ass the minute this is done," way, but in a "yes, I like you and hope I do get to do you at some point, but the scene is the scene and your needs are coming first," way. That's Bones with Jim, oh, yes. LOVED it. Such a work. I still can't explain why this worked when consensual BDSM fiction in its care-taking detail often leaves me bored, but, oh, NOT bored here. LOVED.

Leeezard, god, I haven't read more than a few comments here but I'm convinced that everyone has to be talking about Bones's face in that picture. It's perfect, that wryness and interest and attention and affection and, oh, perfect perfect perfect. Jim is such a lovely tableau there, all skin and needles and screwed-up face, how could Bones not look like that? And the RESTRAINTS. Guh. You can guess those in particular send me into "I'll be in my bunk" bliss.

Ahhhhhh, thank you so much, you guys. &hearts

[mijan.livejournal.com]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! I want to leave such a detailed and gracious reply, but all I can think right now is, "I wrote BDSM and OMFG AMANUENSIS LIKES IT OMG OMG OMG OMGMOOGMGOMGajdalfad;l;!!!"

I'll try to be coherent for a brief moment. I guess one of the things that's important to me in ANY fic is making it FEEL REAL to the reader. That means that the characters have to ring true, and their experiences have to be vivid. So... even though it's simple, consensual, safe, and almost *tender* BDSM, I wanted it to have an almost *GUH* impact that you go along for this insane ride with Jim, feel Bones' possessiveness, and... yeah, that's what I'd tried to do. I'm so RELIEVED that you enjoyed it. And thrilled. Absolutely beyond thrilled. Than you for reading it.

♥