The Jeezuz brigade strikes again.

[mijan]

Why is it that I seem to attract these people?  It's like flies to honey, or mosquitoes to a bug zapper.

It starts in the cafeteria at work.  I'm waiting for the tomato soup, and this pleasant-seeming woman asks what soup is coming out.  I tell her that it's the tomato soup.  She says that she loves tomato soup with cheese sandwiches.  I off-handedly agree that lunches like those are one of those "things we all had as kids" things and I occasionally enjoy that.  She then tells me:

"You shouldn't eat things like that too often though.  The salt isn't good for you." 

Okay, so the second-to-last thing I care to hear is an obese person telling ME how to eat.  (Nothing wrong with a person being fat, but there's a twisted sort of irony in me - an athletic, trim, health-food nut - being lectured about healthy eating by someone who was clearly not practicing a healthy diet.)   So I calmly and politely tell her that I'm actually on a doctor-prescribed high-salt diet because my blood pressure is too low.  In fact, I continue, I'm on a prescription to raise my blood pressure intentionally because it's too low.

She starts by saying about how strange that is, and then rambles on about how she REALLY IS going to lose weight this year - her New Year's resolution.  To be conversational, while waiting in line, I comment that I used to be chubby and that I know losing weight isn't easy but you've got to put in the effort if you want the results.  She doesn't seem to believe that I could have been chubby, so I shrug and say, "I had a Jewish grandmother who thought that everyone was too skinny, and wouldn't be happy until everyone was absolutely stuffed."

She seems to accept that.  I give up on the soup and decide on a veggie burger.  She follows me.  Asks why I don't eat meat.  I just tell her that I DO eat meat, but I prefer the veggie burgers to the hamburger patties at that particular locations.  She decides to try one, too.  She tells me that she'd like to go vegan eventually because she likes fish.  I explain to her that vegan means no fish, no dairy, no eggs, and so on.  "Oh," she says.

Then, as I'm putting tomato slices on my veggie burger, she asks me if I'm a Jew For Jesus.

If having a fat lady telling me how to eat is the second-to-last thing I want to hear, that was THE LAST.

I tell her, no, I'm not a Jew for Jesus.  She assumes that just means that I'm Jewish.  Notice that I never told her that I'm Jewish - just my long-dead grandmother.  She makes all the rest of the assumptions herself.  So I tell her, no, I'm not a Jew for Jesus.

She immediately launches into telling me that Jesus is the only way into heaven and that I have to learn to follow Jesus and blah blah blah.

I wanted to tell her that I'm actually Pagan.  I wanted to tell her that I'm a lesbian.  I wanted to tell her that I find nothing more offensive than people who need to randomly preach at me, and that I don't want to lose my appetite when I'm about to eat.

Instead, I politely told her that my beliefs are simply different from hers, and that I'd appreciate it if she didn't try to preach to me.  At that, she brusquely said, "Well, have a nice day," and walked away from me as quickly as she could squeeze through the lunchtime crowd.

Where do I find these nutbags?   Why do they find me?  Why do they pester me at the most annoying times? Why did it have to be at work, where I couldn't tell her exactly what I think?  And where do they get this delusion that freedom of speech and freedom of religion only applies to their speech and their religion?

*sigh*

I think I'm going to start passing out Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster information pamphlets. 

Comments

[vampireanneke.livejournal.com]

(hugs) Just be glad they come to you vs some weak willed weak minded individual who will be further taken in by their dellusional religious beliefs. She was obviouslly a sheep based on how much she followed you and did what you did. (sigh)

[llynden.livejournal.com]

I hope you will not meet any of them during the rest of the year :) Christian preachers need days off too :) Do you know the song about the Christians and the Pagans (by Dar Williams)? Hope it cheers you up :) http://www.jango.com/stations/34223405/tunein?proxy_id=6302247&song_id=44673

[stormsdotter.livejournal.com]

Love that song! I need to go and buy some of her CDs.

As for the lady, you made polite conversation with her. this means you are a decent person. Therefore, it's her Sacred Duty to Save Your Soul.

The next time that happens, quote Saint Francis of Assisi (sp?) at them: "Preach the Gospel at all times, and when absolutely necessary, use words." I use that one to shut my mom up when she goes all preachy on me.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

And why, in this "equal-rights, freedom-of-speech" society, are they allowed to preach to me, but if I were to try to preach anything but Christianity to them, they're allowed to get uppity and angry?

Because it's an equal-rights, freedom-of-speech society. I'm not sure what you're asking for, except that somehow the majority would magically respect minority viewpoints in all places and all times. You can't legislate not being a jerk.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Gotta watch out for those chubby, middle-aged women. We're everywhere! :-)

[mijan.livejournal.com]

No, I don't mean like that - I mean how brazenly they expect to be able to just get into anyone else's face, but they want to actively prevent other people from even having another viewpoint. Kinda like the ones who demand to have a nativity scene on town hall properties, but want to prohibit other religions from having their holiday displays. And if I were to so much as dare to even express my viewpoints, they claim that I'm somehow discriminating against them and impeding their freedom of religion.

I guess I didn't express myself well there. Sorry.

[cluegirl.livejournal.com]

It's the waif thing. You're petite, with a slim face, and large eyes, and that makes people with barely-concealed control issues feel as though you might just need a bit of looking-after.

It's like the reverse coin of the amazon thing, where people take a look and think that if they disagree with me, I'm going to chew their arm off and shove it up their cornhole.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

See, if I wasn't at work, that's precisely what I would have done!

[vampireanneke.livejournal.com]

I just had a brilliant idea. The next time I meet one of those 'bible preachers' I'm going to play along. Join in, and make a big scene. Because while they are quick to try and convert and defend their religion, they won't be nearly so quick to just preach it (and loudly) to those who appear to already be converted. I can totally see getting them to yell and should how they love jesus, and then turning on them and saying 'oh wait, I'm a pagan'.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

I can't wait to see how that goes. Let me know!

[lurkitty.livejournal.com]

And I've always wanted to be a Veterinarian or a Marine Biologist because I *love* men in uniform! *smiles vapidly*

I had a conversation at work the other day with some coworkers who had leapt to the conclusion that our company was part of the "war on Christmas" because they a: called the Christmas party a holiday party and b: are having it in January. I offered the alternate explanation that a: we are a global company (they work in shipping, they should know that!) and not all our employees are Christian, and b: we are cash-poor from a recent acquisition and it makes better financial sense to have it in January. They all immediately backed down and thought that mine was a better explanation.

In the process, I disclosed that I am Hindu by religion. One guy immediately asked, "Oh, so they don't observe Christmas in your country, huh?" I managed to keep smiling as I explained that I was US born and raised, all the while thinking, "hmm, I must have had a good English tutor to have come out of Bumfuckistan without an accent."

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I remember reading your post about the "holiday party" at your workplace. It's amazing that they have to make themselves out to be victims constantly, and find every excuse possible to show how victimized they are.

As for the guy who can't get it through his thick skull that there are plenty of born-and-raised Americans who are not Christian... I hope he felt like a complete idiot and asshole when you told him that. I mean, I studied Buddhism for three years, and I still take a lot of that knowledge/wisdom base as part of my belief structure, but I wasn't born in Tibet. *sigh*

[lunalovegoddess.livejournal.com]

That's one of my pet peeves. One of my friends was born here, but she is British-Indian by heritage. She gets that a lot, actually. Because she has a dark complexion, she has been mistaken for Muslim, when in fact, she is Christian. Many people do not realize that there are other religious groups in India than Hindus. Which is besides the point, but still interesting to me. She receives comments like, "You barely have any accent!" and "Where you are from, I guess they don't have ____s, huh?" I was present for the latter comment a few years ago. We were standing near an Epcot store window, and my friend was ogling an item that cost more than we could afford, but she was considering getting it anyway. This pompous bitch came up to her and commented in a patronizing sort of voice that my friend was so lucky to be able to visit this country. She made some asinine comment about me being nice enough to show her around and buy stuff for her. She automatically assumed that my friend was from some backward Third-World country where "her people" don't wear shoes. (I think it was shoes.) My friend drew back and postured, and scoffed, "Bitch, please. I'm loaded. If anything, I'm treating HER."
So that was a fun outing...

[multiclassgeek.livejournal.com]

CoFSM is one option...

Tarvuism is another, more subtle option

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*reads the website*

*is amused*

That might be a lot of fun! But at the same time, I get a degree of pleasure from doing Flying Spaghetti Monster Revivals. :D

[lunalovegoddess.livejournal.com]

I think I'm going to start passing out Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster information pamphlets.

My hubby would do it. He wore his Soviet naval ushanka and a bomber jacket to work last night. His friend suggested that he wear a KGB or CCCP shirt tonight. His co-worker warms the cockles of my heart, seriously.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Awesome.

And can I get a "RAmen!" ?

[daddybear716.livejournal.com]

It's because you're too god-damn nice for your own good! LOL! If you were more outwardly bitchy and unapproachable like me or your darlin wife, these large-marge-church-ladies would be too intimidated to talk to you let alone try to convert you and fix you up with their creepy nephew Sherman.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're probably right. One of these days (when I'm not at work), I'll randomly rip one of them a new azzhole.

[halo4.livejournal.com]

Those super-religious asshats have the same power to pick you out of a crowd that the damn Jehova's Witnesses have to pick my door at nine a.m. sharp Saturday morning to bang after I went out and got hammered Friday night and only just got home a few hours previously.

We apparently attract them. Which is a HUUUGE fail on our part.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but when they try to corner me, they think it's because I'm sweet and nice and would be oh-so-easy to "save." They actually think I'll agree with them because I'm polite and conversant and pleasant. HA.

[yaycoffee.livejournal.com]

She sounded more than a little crazy.

It sounded like you were as polite as you could be, and she's the one with the issue.

It is one of my hugest pet peeves when folks just ASSUME that you will agree with them on serious issues, which people in polite society know NOT to bring up in a light social situation. As a Christian-but-not-a-fundamentalist, I have people (usually at work) look to me for approval when they spout off their fundamentalist anti-gay/anti-feminist/anti-fun/anti-love/super republican BULLSHIT. I love the looks on their faces (and the FANTASTIC back-pedaling) that happens when I politely SHUT THEM DOWN. Sometimes with Bible verses. Because you know what? I've EDUCATED myself in what I believe. I've READ the Bible IN CONTEXT, I've learned about church history and theology, and I've formed MY OWN THOUGHTS--most of them have just memorized what someone else told them without ever ever EVER thinking for themselves. They have no IDEA WHY they believe what they do. They just regurgitate back what they've heard--never even MIND if it's even Biblical or theologically in-line with the actual Christian faith. GAH!

[mijan.livejournal.com]

And that is why you are a super wicked awesome real Christian, and those fundamentalist asshats are not even worthy of the title.

I've read the Bible, too. More than once. I went to Catholic school for 10 years, in a parish that very much encouraged people to read their own Bibles and learn about the history and the scripture in context. I did years of Bible studies. And yes, I LOVE whacking down the whack-jobs with their own book which I understand better than they do. Isn't it fun? :D

As I've said before on my LJ: it's not Christians that I dislike. It's the ultra-conservative, gay-hating, evangelizing, in-your-face, brimstone-spewing fundamentalist whack-jobs that I can't stand. Real Christians (the ones who understand their religion in context and who don't preach in people's faces and scream condemnations) I like. And as I've said many times, I wish more of the good ones would speak up and tell the rude, obnoxious fundies to shut up.

[midnight-birth.livejournal.com]

I can totally relate. They somehow find me too, and usually just because I'm pretty nice and polite to strangers. Makes you rethink that whole strategy. :S

And you know, I think the thing that irritates me most is the way they start with an innocent conversation and you're just trying to be polite, and then out of nowhere spring the whole "Jesus is our savior" bollocks on you. What flabbergasts me is how anyone can think it acceptable or in good etiquette to start springing something like this on a stranger in a public place in a diverse country.

I've given up on trying to avoid them - I just have fun with them now. Telling them straight-face I worship the Devil really gets them running fast. (I don't, for the record, and I know it's kind of tasteless, but it gets them off my back.)

[nyx-of-darkness.livejournal.com]

lols. *hug* i had an encounter recently like that only i was in South Station. and it was just the religious part. apparently i am "doomed to hell unless i become a Baptist, and even then there is no guarente."

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Gotta love their self-defeating philosophies, huh?

How did you respond?

[colloween.livejournal.com]

Holy crap!!

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Yep.

um...

[tsuj.livejournal.com]

Yes, that woman was very annoying, the kind that irks me no end.

But - and I say this as an obese person, myself - her weight had nothing to do with it.
When you called her "tubby-gut" and referred to her "waddle," I felt hurt. And I know it was not your intention (cause I know you and your really nice!), but people do this all the time: criticizing an external factor that simply isn't relevant.

Fat is one of the last acceptable 'ism's - in polite society, it is still acceptable to make fun. :P
*steps down from reinforced soapbox* ;)

Still friends, dearie!
Just needed to share.:)

Re: um...

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Sorry, hun. And I didn't mean it to be hurtful to you or anyone. I just found it interesting that I, of all people, was getting a lecture on healthy eating from a woman who was at least three times as wide as me. Can you at least see the irony of that? I'm not attributing any of her behavior to her weight; I'm pointing out the irony of having her try to tell me how to eat healthy. That's all. And because I tend to write in an illustrative manner, I treated it like I would when telling any story and gave visuals.

Although I'll actually say that around Kansas City, it's far more acceptable to slam someone for being gay (or non-Christian) than for being fat. In Kansas City, you would not be considered fat. You'd be considered "mildly chubby" at most. Kansas City is the fattest city in the country - statistical fact.

I'll take out the words that you didn't like though, if that helps. I'm sorry - I didn't mean to hurt you.