"Not a Love Poem"

[mijan]

Title: "Not a Love Poem"
Author: P
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13
Length: 348 words
Summary: Draco doesn't write a love poem.
Notes:  I've been planning to write this for a while, and now seemed like the right time.

Also, today is starflowers's birthday, and I must therefore dedicate it to her. Happy B-day, Lissa!

This is not a love poem.

I never learned how to love,

And I’m sure you wouldn’t understand poetry.

These are just words, some blotches of ink, and a scrap of parchment.

But if that was all,

I wouldn’t be sweating as I write.

If that was all,

I wouldn’t be writing,

Would I?

 

This is not a love poem,

Because I hate you,

And I’m sure you feel quite the same.

 

Or perhaps indifferent. 

Are you indifferent, Potter?

Potter?

Harry?

 

I’m not.

 

There are days when I want to crush you.

Crush your ribs beneath my fists.

Crush your face beneath my boot.

Crush your mouth beneath my lips.

Crush your soul with mine.

 

I want to own you,

But I’ll never have you.

The World has you already.

Do you like that?

 

This is not a love song,

Because I can’t sing,

And I’m sure you’re tone-deaf anyway.

 

Come on, there has to be something you can’t do.

Carry a tune in a bucket?

Carry the World on your shoulders?

Carry me home?

 

You can’t.

 

This is not a cry in the dark,

Because the lights are on,

And I’m home.

Come home.

 

Home… the Serpent’s Lair, the Lion’s Den…

Where do the dark creatures await you?

To devour you,

And crush you?

 

I want to devour you.

 

I want you to hear me.

Silent screaming.

I want you to reach me,

The unreachable,

The unlovable,

But I don’t want to be reached,

And I can’t be loved.

 

This is not a love poem, Potter.

Because through the cold sweat,

Hot angry tears,

Blood seeping from nail imprints on the palm of my hand,

I don’t love you.

I don’t love myself either.

 

I’d make you bleed as surely as I’ve bled.

But I haven’t felt that pain.

So cut me.

You’re the only one who makes me hurt.

You’ve done it so many times.

 

Sharp, cold, uncaring,

Run right through me.

The blood would flow freely.

Be still my beating heart.

 

This is not a love poem.

It would take a heart to write one.

Comments

[treeperson.livejournal.com]

It's.. interesting. I like it. :)

[mijan.livejournal.com]

:)

[souliesoul.livejournal.com]

:) that's lovely P.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thankee. I've been sitting on that one for months now, and decided I had to write it today. *grins*

[zanai.livejournal.com]

o.o

beautiful

*puts link in her away message*

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks! :)

[chocklit-frog.livejournal.com]

ooooo verreh verreh nice. *loves last line*

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*purrs* Thank you. :)

[ice-is-blue.livejournal.com]

Ooof. Intense! *liked it* The crushing bit was my absolute favorite part, but I also loved the sarcasm and irony going on with 'be still my beating heart'. 'Twas very Draco.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Yeah... that's a very common phrase, but I think I used it a bit differently here. Glad you liked!

[morus-somnium.livejournal.com]

omg that was so beautiful *sad smile* that was so... Draco

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Poor Draco... such a lost, tortured, heartless bastard of a soul. Gotta love him.

One more praise for mijan

[(Anonymous)]

Oh My God. What can you say to this... Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I mean, this is exactly how I think it is with Draco, so contradictory, so hopeless, so beautiful. I'm sorry, proper English has deserted me. You just understand the characters so well, to an almost creepy extent (read Eclipse, you'll see what I mean) and you are amazing writer. One of the most talented I know if not the most. This poem also reminded me of a phrase I once thought about the relationship between H&D: "Never be able to catch, never be able to let go." I hope it's not really some quote that I've unconsciously stored in the back of my brain, please don't sue me if it is :) Cassiope

Re: One more praise for mijan

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I think you may be exaggerating just a little bit, but you sure brought a smile to my face today. Maybe I understand the characters, maybe I don't. I like my understanding of them, and I suppose that's what matters. Anyway, I must run... am late... but thank you! *blushes*

[blackiesdungeon.livejournal.com]

*sniffs* this is so wonderful ... beautyful. for me it is like a rose: silken petals and sharp thornes, a still but perfect beauty you can only reach, when you cut yourself and accept the pain. sorry, for getting all fluffy, but for me sometimes the two are like roses: harry like a wild one with strong vines and sharp thornes and only little, but none the less beautyful flowers. draco is like a most beautyful rose, well groomed, but still with thornes, trying to break free ;).... and your poem reminds me of this fantasy so much *hugsdeeply* :)

as i always say - you are an amazing author ! i so much adore you ... one of your greatest fans, bye, Blackie :))))))

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thank you! I don't really see Draco as a beautiful rose... but then, I haven't really thought to relate the boy to a flower. I'll have to think about it. :)

[hobbes75.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's so beautiful. I love your writing. I'm always anxiously awaiting the next chapter of Eclipse.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you liked it! And I'll be working on chapter 13 soon, if all goes well. :)

[quacketyquack.livejournal.com]

"I want to own you,

But I’ll never have you.

The World has you already.

Do you like that?"


i love these lines. i love how you made him seem so cynical. i love how you made him make a distinction between him and the rest of the world. :)

the way it was written (absolutely no rhyme, no syllable count, no form, except maybe free verse) seems just how draco would write it. like he just wrote it without pondering on the words for too long--just so he could get it out of his system. like his emotions threatened to engulf him, so he had to let them out somehow.

commendable work. :)

ro-an

p.s. would you mind if i added you to my friends list? :)

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Of course you can add me to your friends list! I'll apologize if I don't often manage to keep up with other people's LJ's... I don't usually have the time. But you're more than welcomed to add me. And I'm glad you liked the non-poem! And yes, poor Draco, very cynical. You would be too, of course, and so would I. *pets Draco*

[pottergirl26.livejournal.com]

Wow, cool slash poem! I love when Draco is in denial and is trying to yank out his heart.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[miss-charmed.livejournal.com]

P! That's gorgeous! And the last line... *sighs*

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thankee! *grins*

[thrnbrooke.livejournal.com]

Wow! I'm speechless!

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a good thing! :D

[(Anonymous)]

Lovely...simply lovely.

[lady-meowmix.livejournal.com]

That was so beautiful. <3
I loved that last line the best, but I really loved the whole thing. :)

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thank you. :)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Eeeeee, I love it :D :D I love Draco's rage and hurt and pain and the rawness of it, and the repetition, and how frustrated and hopeless he feels and yet he still... needs. Yes. It's just so intensely wanting, and that has always been the heart and soul of what Draco is, to me, that ball of unrequited unfulfilled want. And I love how the imagery is so brilliant/vivid but he's always denying anyway, to some extent.

I loved the stark simplicity of the words and the way the stanzas sort of folded back in on themselves, still rhythmical. I've missed this sort of H/D, I really have... I think desperate needy angry Draco was my first and last fandom love. So thanks.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*blushes immensely* I'd write a coherent response, but I have to leave in 15 minutes, and I won't be back for three weeks. Your review was a wonderful send-off though! THANKS!
~P

[mirrorwakes.livejournal.com]

Gah! ...it would take a heart to write one Gah! *Faints*

Mirror

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*huggle*

[ex-reila633.livejournal.com]

Eeeee. *hugs* That was fantastic. And you say "crush your face under my boot". :o You are teh best. :D <3

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*giggle* I wrote this ages ago.

[xiahtic.livejournal.com]

*Salutes Captain P* OH! That was beautiful!!!!! I loffed it muchly!!! You're right, after HBP, it does take a new meaning! Even though this is the first time I've read it, lmao!

~Jamie (CraziBlonde_Malfoy on GnH)

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*returns the salute* Glad you liked it! :D

[alabastardragon.livejournal.com]

*LOVES it*

[iturnstyle.livejournal.com]

I like it a lot. Thanks for providing another form of escapism.

[northernlight88.livejournal.com]

Lovely? Surely not. Beautiful? Kind of. Disturbing? Very! Well written? Absolutely!! Wow.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Hehe... it was meant to be disturbing. You don't think I could write purely sappy love poetry, do you? *gags*

;)