"Not a Love Poem"

[mijan]

Title: "Not a Love Poem"
Author: P
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13
Length: 348 words
Summary: Draco doesn't write a love poem.
Notes:  I've been planning to write this for a while, and now seemed like the right time.

Also, today is starflowers's birthday, and I must therefore dedicate it to her. Happy B-day, Lissa!

This is not a love poem.

I never learned how to love,

And I’m sure you wouldn’t understand poetry.

These are just words, some blotches of ink, and a scrap of parchment.

But if that was all,

I wouldn’t be sweating as I write.

If that was all,

I wouldn’t be writing,

Would I?

 

This is not a love poem,

Because I hate you,

And I’m sure you feel quite the same.

 

Or perhaps indifferent. 

Are you indifferent, Potter?

Potter?

Harry?

 

I’m not.

 

There are days when I want to crush you.

Crush your ribs beneath my fists.

Crush your face beneath my boot.

Crush your mouth beneath my lips.

Crush your soul with mine.

 

I want to own you,

But I’ll never have you.

The World has you already.

Do you like that?

 

This is not a love song,

Because I can’t sing,

And I’m sure you’re tone-deaf anyway.

 

Come on, there has to be something you can’t do.

Carry a tune in a bucket?

Carry the World on your shoulders?

Carry me home?

 

You can’t.

 

This is not a cry in the dark,

Because the lights are on,

And I’m home.

Come home.

 

Home… the Serpent’s Lair, the Lion’s Den…

Where do the dark creatures await you?

To devour you,

And crush you?

 

I want to devour you.

 

I want you to hear me.

Silent screaming.

I want you to reach me,

The unreachable,

The unlovable,

But I don’t want to be reached,

And I can’t be loved.

 

This is not a love poem, Potter.

Because through the cold sweat,

Hot angry tears,

Blood seeping from nail imprints on the palm of my hand,

I don’t love you.

I don’t love myself either.

 

I’d make you bleed as surely as I’ve bled.

But I haven’t felt that pain.

So cut me.

You’re the only one who makes me hurt.

You’ve done it so many times.

 

Sharp, cold, uncaring,

Run right through me.

The blood would flow freely.

Be still my beating heart.

 

This is not a love poem.

It would take a heart to write one.

Comments

[treeperson.livejournal.com]

It's.. interesting. I like it. :)

[souliesoul.livejournal.com]

:) that's lovely P.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thankee. I've been sitting on that one for months now, and decided I had to write it today. *grins*

[mijan.livejournal.com]

:)

[zanai.livejournal.com]

o.o

beautiful

*puts link in her away message*

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks! :)

[chocklit-frog.livejournal.com]

ooooo verreh verreh nice. *loves last line*

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*purrs* Thank you. :)

[ice-is-blue.livejournal.com]

Ooof. Intense! *liked it* The crushing bit was my absolute favorite part, but I also loved the sarcasm and irony going on with 'be still my beating heart'. 'Twas very Draco.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Yeah... that's a very common phrase, but I think I used it a bit differently here. Glad you liked!

[ice-is-blue.livejournal.com]

My thoughts exactly. It's a very cliche phrase, but it works wonderfully here in an unusual way.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I like unusual. I could kinda hear Draco saying this with his characteristic sneer. Very sarcastic. Or in another sense, VERY literal.

[morus-somnium.livejournal.com]

omg that was so beautiful *sad smile* that was so... Draco

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Poor Draco... such a lost, tortured, heartless bastard of a soul. Gotta love him.

[morus-somnium.livejournal.com]

*sniffs* Too true, too true.

One more praise for mijan

[(Anonymous)]

Oh My God. What can you say to this... Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I mean, this is exactly how I think it is with Draco, so contradictory, so hopeless, so beautiful. I'm sorry, proper English has deserted me. You just understand the characters so well, to an almost creepy extent (read Eclipse, you'll see what I mean) and you are amazing writer. One of the most talented I know if not the most. This poem also reminded me of a phrase I once thought about the relationship between H&D: "Never be able to catch, never be able to let go." I hope it's not really some quote that I've unconsciously stored in the back of my brain, please don't sue me if it is :) Cassiope

Re: One more praise for mijan

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I think you may be exaggerating just a little bit, but you sure brought a smile to my face today. Maybe I understand the characters, maybe I don't. I like my understanding of them, and I suppose that's what matters. Anyway, I must run... am late... but thank you! *blushes*

[blackiesdungeon.livejournal.com]

*sniffs* this is so wonderful ... beautyful. for me it is like a rose: silken petals and sharp thornes, a still but perfect beauty you can only reach, when you cut yourself and accept the pain. sorry, for getting all fluffy, but for me sometimes the two are like roses: harry like a wild one with strong vines and sharp thornes and only little, but none the less beautyful flowers. draco is like a most beautyful rose, well groomed, but still with thornes, trying to break free ;).... and your poem reminds me of this fantasy so much *hugsdeeply* :)

as i always say - you are an amazing author ! i so much adore you ... one of your greatest fans, bye, Blackie :))))))

[hobbes75.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's so beautiful. I love your writing. I'm always anxiously awaiting the next chapter of Eclipse.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you liked it! And I'll be working on chapter 13 soon, if all goes well. :)

[quacketyquack.livejournal.com]

"I want to own you,

But I’ll never have you.

The World has you already.

Do you like that?"


i love these lines. i love how you made him seem so cynical. i love how you made him make a distinction between him and the rest of the world. :)

the way it was written (absolutely no rhyme, no syllable count, no form, except maybe free verse) seems just how draco would write it. like he just wrote it without pondering on the words for too long--just so he could get it out of his system. like his emotions threatened to engulf him, so he had to let them out somehow.

commendable work. :)

ro-an

p.s. would you mind if i added you to my friends list? :)

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Of course you can add me to your friends list! I'll apologize if I don't often manage to keep up with other people's LJ's... I don't usually have the time. But you're more than welcomed to add me. And I'm glad you liked the non-poem! And yes, poor Draco, very cynical. You would be too, of course, and so would I. *pets Draco*

[mijan.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thank you! I don't really see Draco as a beautiful rose... but then, I haven't really thought to relate the boy to a flower. I'll have to think about it. :)

[blackiesdungeon.livejournal.com]

i think about it because lucius grooms him ... in every essence of the word *shudders* he tell the boy what to think, to do, and so on, and if he steps a little away (in other words grow a new twig which doesnt fit in the concept/picture) he will be "cut" :/... draco had no freedom to grow, all in his home is set and planned out for him '^^...

i also take the flowers as symbols, because of what someone will associate with them :) one of the most (for me) fascinating flowers is the rose. so beautiful, but with thorns ^^... and there are the wild ones, the well groomed ones, so much different kinds. and it is fascinating, that the wilder ones smell so much more than the special groomed, special ones in the contests ;)...

and in this case i take the wild rose for harry because of his thorns and his wild beauty, and the groomed ones for draco, because he is (sinfully) beautiful *purrs* with his aristocratic, fine face, hands, body ... all of him ;)... like the nobel roses, which dont smell anymore, but have lesser thorns and perfect shaped flowers '^^...

perhaps you can use this in a story ? there are so few storys with flowers in them, especially roses and cherry-blossoms (who also have a special meaning, especially in japan :)...)

sorry for my rambling *blush*

*hugsdeeply*, bye, Blackie ^^... (also anciously awaiting the next chappie of eclipse :)...)

[quacketyquack.livejournal.com]

oh by the way, i think i've read the more famous well-written H/D fan fics (and that includes eclipse :D), and i've gotten tired of looking around for fics worth my time. i was just wondering if you had read a few fics that you could recommend for me. i've read the ten on essawkward's poll, and i'm looking for more fics of the same pairing that are just as good. :)