Your worst fears...

[mijan]

So I've been stuck on an odd train of thought lately... phobias.  Why am I mentally stuck on phobias right now?  Well, I've been wrestling with my own lately.  Severely.  Because I'm probably going to have to face up to it again very soon, and I don't know if I can handle it.

What is it that causes a perfectly rational, normally brave, confident person, who doesn't have any normal fears (heights, guns, bombs, snakes, rats, serial killers, clowns under the bed), to turn into a shaking, crying, screaming, frantic panic over some minor thing?  Or is it just me?  I think I surprised a couple of people the other day when I expressed my own phobia.  I guess they thought nothing scared me.  So, I got to wondering, what are other people scared of?

I don't mean normal fears, or things that make you a bit uncomfortable.  You might be a bit scared of heights, and you might not want to jump off the high-dive at the local swimming pool, but you don't collapse into hysterics because you need to climb a three-step ladder, so it's not a debilitating phobia.  See what I mean? Picture Bart Simpson: "Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me. Can't sleep, clowns will kill me." Or something like that.

I've turned off ISP logging.  Feel free to post anonymously if you don't want people to know what personally scares the shit out of you, or if you want the liberating experience of "coming out of the closet" with your phobia, you can post while logged in.  I'd really like to know what scares people, and how they cope with it.  So, let the group-therapy session begin...

~P

Comments

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Well, most people are at least a bit scared of dying, especially when faced with a chance that they could. I think I'm one of the few freakish people who isn't actually scared of death. If you've got a lump in your breast, the best thing to do is to see a doctor and get it removed sooner rather than later. 90% chance or better that it's harmless anyway (just a benign cyst), and even if it's not, if they remove it while it's small, and if you're young and healthy, the chances are very good that it'll never come back. I wish I could do more to assure you, but I wish you luck, and will keep you in my thoughts (and I don't need to know who you are to say a prayer for you).

[(Anonymous)]

It's not just been since recently. It's something that when I give the subject the time of day, my chest just freezes and I have to think of something else or cry. I'd rather hold a tarantula than think about it or be anywhere close to that situation.

*smiles* you are right about the chances of it actually being something bad, very small. Thanks for reassuring me. *hugs*

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Well, reassurances are about all I can do. I can't claim to know what it's like to be in your shoes. Granted, I'm aware that if I go to Iraq on deployment, I might not come back alive, but that's a bit different.

[(Anonymous)]

Reassurance is the logical slap in the face I need right now.

It doesn't compare, P, really it doesn't, your baddie is worse than mine. The C word and deployment must feel like a death sentence, yet the chances of two people coming out alive of both are very high. We hear more about the ones who don't make it more than the ones who do.

I really hope your Bad Thing doesn't happen. Not just Iraq but the thing you're scared of to prompt the post.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Well, they're kinda related... my phobia, and deployment, but not really. If I face the deployment, however, I'll have to face the phobia first. It's a requirement.

And no, deployment is no worse than what you're facing. Not at all. And I'm not scared of deployment. I'm actually more scared of some of the preparations I'd need to go through.

Actually, come to think of it, I have a rather sketchy mole on my arm that I ought to get checked, but I have no medical insurance. So, I'll get it checked later.

[(Anonymous)]

I'll have to face the phobia first. It's a requirement. Sounds nasty. I hope you can overcome or stay calm during whatever it is. Do you get Bach's Rescue Remedy in the US? A few drops under the tongue might calm you down. Apparently, it's very useful.

Get the mole checked ASAP though? i know health insurance is a bugger, but these things are important. How much can it cost to have a doctor quarterise a mole?

Do you think we're playing your baddie is worse than mine?

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Staying calm... I've never stayed perfectly calm, but I've managed to be somewhat okay sometimes. Basically, I'm scared to death of shots, needles, etc. To the point where I'll have a complete nervous breakdown. If I go to Iraq, they'll have to shoot me up with all sorts of nasty things. Including the Anthrax vaccine, which scares the shit out of me more than any of them. I KNOW the nasty sorts of side-effects that shit has. I get cold and shivery just thinking about it. Now that I'm an officer, I'm supposed to set the example... I can't have a nervous breakdown in front of my soldiers... which only makes me MORE nervous and upset.

As far as the mole goes... maybe I can get the Army to pay for it.

[(Anonymous)]

To be deadly honest, I don't see why the army shouldn't pay for it.

It must be awful to feel like that and in front of other people. I was always frightened of needles when I was little, and one day, I was told to look away and cough, it's the anticipation that's worse. It got me through my BCG and numerous blood tests and now I'm fine.

I can't help you much considering making you feel better about what's in the jabs, but I can offer my support and an ear/eye if you want to talk.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Because I'm a Reservist. The Army doesn't give a crap about us. No medical coverage. No benefits.

It used to be that for shots, I could convince them to let me go get them done in privacy, where I could squirm, fuss, scream, and cry if I had to... and then privacy in case I passed out. The last time, though... it was last August. I had thought my records were up-to-date, and hadn't been ready for them to tell me that I needed a booster (or whatever it was) for Hep.B. Well, I ended up literally backed into a corner, in front of 70 other officers, trying not to hyperventilate. They finally had to grab my arms and hold me in place. It wasn't pretty.

[(Anonymous)]

That's awful, my dad used to be a reserve fireman and had all the same crap as a full-time one and the same applies to you. *tuts*

That sounds really nasty. Terrible. *sends some calming vibes* I'll be thinking of you.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

It may be awful, but hey, that's the Army for ya. Yeah, Reserves for anything, be it Army or volunteer firefighters, or whatever... we have all the same responsibility and risk, but they treat you like a second-class member of the team. Sucks.

And thanks for the calming vibes. Dunno if it'll work, but I'll try.