Fic and Art: "In Perfect Trust" (1/4)
Dec. 28th, 2009 08:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mijanTitle: "In Perfect Trust" (1/4)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mijan
Artist:lizardspots
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: NC-17; Art is NOT worksafe.
Word Count: 22,000 total
Warnings: BDSM. Needleplay. Sounding.
Summary:"Everything feels just... it's like I'm itching for something that I can't quite scratch. So I wanted something that could… snap me out of that. Feel like I'm trying something new and dangerous.
It certainly wasn't how Leonard McCoy had ever hoped to discover Jim's more unusual sexual interests, but now that he knew, he wasn't going to let the opportunity slip for either of them... if Jim trusted him enough.
Thumbnail:
Notes: The idea for this started when someone on a discussion thread (might have been the kink meme, might have been somewhere on the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
kirk_mccoy community) suggested a sounding fic. I said, huh, I can do zat. And the idea just lodged itself in my brain and demanded to be written. I developed it a little bit, because I am incapable of writing PWP, and this is the result.
This is a total collaboration between myself andlizardspots. She did the amazing artwork, for which I provided my feeble art beta skills and detailed descriptions. I wrote the fic, for which she provided detailed medical information and insights from the mind of a doctor-in-training. She also did some good beta work to help me revise several major sections, and don't let her tell you otherwise. Art is in Part 3.
My thanks toclassics_geek for her excellent beta work. Also, thanks to my lovely wife, fiona_fawkes, for rolling her eyes, reading this, and loving me anyway. (Someone has to, right?)
*********
“Infirmary to Doctor McCoy.”
Leonard looked up over the edge of his PADD and glared at the blinking comm panel. He was on call, yes, but with a xenovirology exam at 0800 hours, he really couldn't afford the distraction. He’d blocked all regular comm channels, had locked his door, and had even shown Jim Kirk the bottom of his proverbial boot so that he could get some real studying done. That meant the only thing that could interrupt him was a medical emergency, and the blinking comm panel meant that some idiot on campus had chosen that precise moment to become a thorn in Leonard’s side.
The comm chimed again. There was no avoiding it.
Grumbling, he tossed his PADD aside and lurched out of his chair, slapping the comm panel irritably. “McCoy here.”
“McCoy, there’s been a medical emergency reported in your building. Possible code blue. We’re dispatching an emergency response team, but you're the closest –”
The words 'code blue' had Leonard rushing across the room and grabbing his emergency med kit. If someone's heart had stopped, he had minutes. Seconds. "What’s the room number? Patient status?”
“Room 607. Human male. Patient is unconscious, not breathing. McCoy, it’s –”
“Drugs involved? Trauma?” he barked out, shoving his feet into his shoes.
“Uncertain. The only other being in the room is a Denobulan cadet. Uninjured, but she's frantic. We can’t get much info out of her.”
“Great,” Leonard growled. “I’m on my way.”
“McCoy, you need to know, it’s –”
Leonard was already out the door. Whatever else was wrong, he’d find out when he got there. That’s what tricorders were for.
The turbolift opened for him almost instantly, and he snapped, “Sixth floor,” at the computer as he did a quick check of his emergency supplies. It was amazing the shit that Starfleet cadets could get themselves into. Sure, they were supposed to be the best and the brightest, but there was a large contingent who were also excessively curious, moderately reckless, masochistically-inclined, adrenaline addicts. He knew at least one of those personally. Whoever had caused tonight’s excitement… After I finish saving this idiot, I’ll make him wish I hadn’t. He indulged in six seconds of grumbling to himself until the turbolift door opened, at which point his irritation was shoved to the back of his mind and he switched into emergency responder mode.
Leonard clutched his med kit tightly as he raced down the hall towards room 607. He didn’t even have to look for room numbers as he ran; a Denobulan female was standing at the doorway, scantily clad, looking anxious.
“I didn’t know – I didn’t realize he’d be so delicate! He asked me to! I swear, he asked me to!”
“Ma’am, I don’t care how it happened,” Leonard said as he pushed past her, into the poorly lit room. “I just need to –” He stopped cold, feeling his breath catch hard in his throat. A sick, icy nausea welled up in his stomach as he took in the absolutely motionless form of Jim Kirk on the floor. “SHIT!”
In an instant, Leonard was on his knees beside Jim, tricorder in hand, and his world narrowed to the tiny readout screen and the unconscious man in front of him. Alive, thank god, but it was bad and getting worse. Heartrate was too fast - far too fast, getting faster, weaker; he wasn't breathing and his oxygen levels were slipping, but there was no sign of severe trauma, no reason for - “Of all the stupid – goddammit!”
Leonard threw the tricorder aside and cradled Jim's head with his hands, tilting it back until his mouth fell open; the kid was unconscious with his own goddamned tongue blocking his airway. "Come on, Jim, breathe," he hissed at him, but Jim was too far gone for his body to start breathing again on its own. Somewhere between furious and frantic, Leonard pulled out the respirator unit from his kit with one hand and sealed it over Jim’s mouth and nose. There was nothing Leonard could see that -
"Computer, lights, 100%!" Not letting go of Jim, he took in the rest of the scene around him in choppy glances. Jim was in his underwear, and so was this other cadet – whatever Denobulans wore for underwear. Yet another of Jim’s wild sexual encounters he’d often tried to brag about before Leonard cut him off.
“What the hell were you two doing that could have –” And then he noticed the stark line of red marks forming on Jim’s neck. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!”
“He told me that many humans enjoy it… that it’s normal for…” She crouched down on the floor, a few feet away, and her already nervous expression became absolutely distraught. “It’s not normal, is it?"
"No," Leonard growled, "but 'normal' isn't in this kid's vocabulary."
"Then why would he say that? I didn’t mean to hurt him! I didn’t know! What if I killed him?”
“You didn’t kill him, so calm down, give him some space, and let me work!” The Denobulan’s raving wasn’t helping Leonard concentrate, but it was certainly helping him paint a solid picture of what had happened. Leonard had no doubt in his mind that Jim had persuaded the woman to do this to him. His furious exasperation at his patient barely kept his own personal worries at bay; he needed to do something, but unless it got worse - fuck, don't get worse, please don't get worse - there was nothing he could do but support Jim's head while the respirator kept the kid's lungs working. With one hand, Leonard grabbed the tricorder and scanned him, watching anxiously as oxygen saturation began to improve and his heartrate started to settle.
Jim couldn’t have been unconscious for long. There was no brain damage and his O2 stats hadn’t fallen below critical. Still, he was a mess. In addition to the compromised airway, it looked like the Denobulan had put some pretty heavy pressure on the carotid arteries. Jim had probably passed out from that, and the bastard had probably convinced the poor girl who had done it that she should keep going even if he passed out because it was all normal. And the girl had been either too frantic or too clueless about first aid for humans to even check for airway blockage. Crazy, reckless, thrill-seeking, suicidal bastard.
Although he wasn’t feeling particularly charitable at the moment, to either Jim or his partner for the evening, the woman probably felt guilty enough, and as far as Leonard was concerned, Jim had done this to himself. No need to make it harder on the girl. “It’s okay, miss…?”
“Kestra,” she choked out, clutching her hands to her chest.
“Miss Kestra, it’s not your fault."
She started to squeak a reply, then shook her head. "My actions were clearly dangerous to him. Why would he tell me to do something like that?"
"Because," Leonard growled, staring at his tricorder readings, "Jim Kirk is an idiot."
Kestra's eyes almost bugged out of her head. "What?" she gasped.
Leonard gritted his teeth; he didn't want her to think that he berated all of his patients to the same degree as Jim. "He's a good friend of mine, Kestra. Humans say stuff like that when we're worried about friends."
She nodded in apparent understanding.
With a grimace, Leonard looked back down at the tricorder. Oxygen saturation was back up to normal, and brain activity was increasing. The kid should be coming around any second. Leonard put aside the tricorder and gently slapped Jim's cheek behind the respirator mask.
"Jim. Hey, Jim?" With his other hand, he gave Jim's shoulder a little shake. "Come on, kid, naptime is over."
For a moment, Jim's eyes fluttered, then snapped awake, somewhere between confused and frantic. "Bones!" His voice was muffled behind the respirator. "Where am… what am I…" He reached up and swatted at the mask on his face, coughing weakly as his body fought against the respirator's function. "What's this –"
Leonard caught Jim’s hand and pulled it aside. "Don’t fuck with my equipment, Jim,” he growled, unable to completely hide the relief in his voice. “Relax and let yourself breathe with the air pressure. Don't fight it."
Jim put his hand back down, relaxed marginally, and blinked a couple of times as he squinted and looked around the room. "I… I'm… shit. Kestra…" He glanced to the side.
"I'm sorry, Jim," she blurted. "I shouldn't have pressed so hard! I didn't know that it was risky. Why didn't you tell me?"
He flashed her a bleary echo of his I’m-a-charming-bastard grin. “It’s nothing, Kestra,” he reassured her. “Just an accident. I’m fine.” The thick croak in his voice belied his words, which were obviously a boldfaced lie, considering how he still looked like he was on the verge of passing out. Kestra seemed somewhat pacified (although not by much, Leonard reflected), and so Jim gave her one more wavering grin before he turned his head and glanced up at Leonard. The attempted confidence of a moment ago was replaced by wariness – at least, what passed for wariness from a guy who had been unconscious only seconds before. "Bones," he groaned, "what the hell are you doing here?"
"I'm on call tonight, Jim," he said flatly. "Your sexcapade partner might not have the best grasp of human physiological limitations, but aside from that, at least she's got the common sense that you so notably lack."
"She called in a medical emergency," Jim said, his eyes going wide. "Which means –"
"That a medical team is on its way," Leonard finished for him.
Jim stared up at him, eyes desperate and begging, mouth a tense line underneath the respirator mask.
Leonard didn't need to be an expert in reading Jim Kirk to know what he was asking, although he figured if Kirkology was a degree program, he'd have another goddamned doctorate by now. With a dramatic sigh, he pulled his comm off his belt and flipped it open. "Doctor McCoy to the Academy Infirmary."
"Infirmary here; this is Doctor Wuxiang. What's Kirk's status, McCoy?"
Leonard swallowed nervously, and fixed Jim with a glare that said clearly, You owe me, kid. He took a deep breath. "The patient is conscious and lucid with vital signs returning to normal. He was apparently trying to impress his Denobulan lady friend and discovered that prolonged inversion of the body can lead to a case of surprise syncope."
There was a short noise on the other end of the comm link which sounded suspiciously like snickering. Jim groaned softly in embarrassment, but Leonard's critical eyebrow told him in no uncertain terms that he could have made the humiliation far worse than to suggest a mere fainting spell. "Yeah, he's fine," Leonard confirmed again.
"The med team is almost to your dorm building. Shall I recall them?"
Jim's eyes pleaded one more time.
Leonard gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, recall them. Kirk is stable and uninjured. The only remaining wound is to his pride, but he's recovered from far more serious injuries of that nature that would have been fatal to mere mortals."
This time, there was definite chuckling over the comm. “Okay, you’ve got him, then?”
“Yeah,” Leonard grumbled. “I’ve got him. McCoy out.”
By then, Jim was struggling to sit up. “You know,” he said, “if I didn’t know better, I’d say you just insulted me.”
Leonard reached out a hand and helped push Jim upright, saying, “Cognitive function is returning. Prognosis is favorable for a full recovery.”
"Bastard." Jim scowled at him and leaned to the side, propping himself up with one hand. With the other, he reached up for his mask. Leonard promptly grabbed his hand and pulled it away again.
“I told you,” he said as he ran another tricorder scan, “don’t fuck with my equipment."
"Bones…" The nickname was stretched into a plea. "Come on, get this thing off me."
The tricorder confirmed what Leonard already knew; Jim was right as rain. He reached over and unceremoniously yanked the respirator off Jim's face without bothering to deactivate the seal.
"OW!" Jim's hand snapped up and rubbed his cheeks where the mask had left red lines. "Watch it! You almost took half my face with that thing!"
Leonard gave him one sharp glare before turning his attention to his med kit as he neatly packed his supplies again. "Miss Kestra," he said with his most gentlemanly drawl, "thank you for calling in this emergency. Within any reasonable expectation, you did nothing wrong, and you can't let yourself feel guilty for this. It’s not your fault that you were misled about human physiological limitations. You may have saved Cadet Kirk's life by calling for help so quickly." He could almost feel Jim freeze next to him, but he looked up at Kestra. "But for future reference, you should know that human necks are pretty sensitive, and it's better not to apply any pressure to them… even when some of the less intelligent specimens of our species ask you to."
"Hey!" Jim protested, but Leonard ignored him.
"Okay," she said softly, meeting his gaze with a look of uncertainty. "You… you're not going to report this?"
Leonard spared her a look of mercy. "What's to report?" he asked with a resigned grumble. "A cadet didn't know his own limits and got carried away while engaging in sexual exploits. It's not a unique situation. You had no malicious intent, Kirk has already recovered and has no lasting injuries, and I think you both learned lessons from this." He twitched his head in an awkward shrug. "Besides, if I report it, that's a shitload of forms to fill out, and I just don't have time."
"Oh," she said, still looking embarrassed, but marginally reassured by his levity.
With a sigh and a groan, Leonard looped the strap on the med kit over his shoulder as he stood. "Miss Kestra, I suggest you put some clothes back on before you catch a chill."
Jim also stood, a bit shaky at first, then reached down and scooped up his pants. "And I'll just get dressed and head back to my room so I can study for –"
"Don't even think about it, hot shot," Leonard interrupted him, stepping decisively between Jim and the door. "I'm not through with you yet. Put your damned pants on."
Jim blinked in surprise, but Leonard's tone allowed no room for argument. "What, Bones? I've got studying to do," he said, hopping awkwardly as he yanked his pants on. "Midterms and all, ya know."
Leonard snorted derisively, grabbed a black undershirt that had to be Jim's, and chucked it at the kid, hitting him neatly in the face. "You weren't going to study tonight, and you know it."
The shirt popped over Jim's head, leaving his hair standing in every direction, which should have been impossible with the regulation haircut, but somehow Jim managed to violate even those norms. "But Bones, I – "
"They paged me because of you, and so you have a choice: Either you come with me, or I call back the medical team and we treat the damage to your neck down at the infirmary.” He gave Jim his most devious look. “I’ll even make sure they put you on a stretcher. I know how much you love that."
Jim looked like he'd just run into a brick wall. "Uh… ok." He turned to Kestra, a look of sincere apology painted on his face. "Look, I'm sorry I put you through this. Normally, stuff like this doesn't happen. You're just a lot stronger than you look, which is really awesome, so maybe –"
"That's enough," Leonard growled, grabbing Jim by the arm. "Kestra, he's sorry, he's an idiot, and he's got to go now." And with that, he dragged a protesting Jim Kirk to the door.
"Easy there, Bones! Hey Kestra, sorry about this… uh… maybe next time we –" The door sliding shut behind him cut him off. "Dammit, Bones, you could have at least let me say goodbye properly! Isn’t this some sort of abuse of power as a doctor? And hey, you don't need to hold my arm so tight; I can walk."
Leonard didn't even look at him as he continued to stride down the corridor, hauling Jim along with him. He said nothing.
"Uh, Bones, you're kinda squeezing my arm."
The turbolift door opened in front of them, and Leonard spun Jim around in front of the open doorway. He glowered furiously. "Jim, just shut up." And he shoved Jim backwards into the turbolift. "Eighteenth floor." When the turbolift stopped, Leonard grabbed Jim's arm again and pulled him the rest of the way to his dorm room. Mercifully, they didn't encounter anyone in the hall, and Jim kept his mouth shut this time.
As soon as Leonard's door slid shut behind them, he pushed Jim towards the bed. "Sit."
"Bones, listen, it's not like –"
Leonard shot him a death glare, effectively silencing him. Rummaging around in the med kit, Leonard pulled out the tissue regenerator. "You know," he said in a low tone, "these don't come in standard emergency med kits. They're not really for immediate medical response. Vascular regenerators and dermal fusion units take care of bleeding; tissue regeneration is a secondary procedure." He held the unit next to Jim's neck and activated it, watching the first bruise begin to fade almost immediately. "But do you know why I keep one in my med kit, Jim?"
"Oh, am I allowed to talk now?"
Another brief death glare.
Jim blew out an exasperated breath. "No, I don't know why, Bones, but as you said, I'm an idiot. I guess you'll have to tell me."
"I keep one in here because of you, Jim," he said flatly, keeping his eyes focused on his task. "Because you're my friend, and as much as I don't like enabling some of the crazy shit you do, I know how much you despise the infirmary, and I'm usually pretty happy to help you out when I can."
Jim actually barked out a laugh at that. "You? Happy to help me out? Every time you've patched me up for something, you usually spend the entire time berating me up one side and down the other for my stupidity."
"And just why do you think I do that, genius?"
"So I'm a genius now? What happened to 'idiot'?"
Leonard deactivated the unit and switched to the other side of Jim's neck. "Actually, you usually are a genius. An infantile, reckless, and occasionally foolish bastard of a genius, but usually you are. And yes, I'm usually happy to help you out." He gritted his teeth, feeling the anger that had been simmering since Jim had regained consciousness finally boiling to the surface. "But when you do something this stupid… this goddamned dangerous, Jim…"
"It's not that dangerous! People do it all the time! I can't believe she called for medics."
“You’re damned lucky that she did!" Leonard pressed the regen unit against Jim's neck, locking it in place to let it work on the deepest part of the bruise, which happened to be right over the main carotid artery, then he looked up and met Jim's eyes. “Do you understand what could have happened to you? Do you have any fucking idea?”
"It wasn't that bad, Bones! I just passed out. That's part of how it works, you know?"
"Just passed out," Leonard growled low in his throat. He stood up and stepped back from the bed, shaking his head slowly. He turned and kicked off his shoes harder than necessary, sending the second one careening into the window with a resonant thud, eliciting a visible flinch from Jim. He balled his hands into fists, feeling the bite of his fingernails in the palms of his hands. "Just passed out," he said again, more vehemently this time. "You did not 'just pass out,' you idiot. You weren't even breathing when I got there! How can you not comprehend how serious that is?"
Jim looked like he'd been slapped. He stood and took a couple of steps towards Leonard, arms dangling helplessly at his sides. His mouth opened and closed silently a couple of times before he got any words out. "I would have been fine," he said, but without any conviction.
"Yeah, you tell yourself that." Feeling a sudden inclination to strangle his insufferable friend, but knowing that was the worst thought he could possibly have just then, Leonard forced himself to fold his arms and turn away from the object of his ire. He paced as he ranted. "Goddammit, kid, I don’t know what sort of thrill you were hoping to get, and I don't care. There are lots of ways to mix it up in the bedroom without putting yourself in danger, but that’s not one of them! Erotic asphyxiation is fucking dangerous. There's no safe way to do it.”
“It’s not that bad –”
Leonard rounded on Jim, suddenly feeling like the scant centimeter of height that he had over the kid was much bigger. “James T. Fucking Idiot Kirk, let me tell you a story. When I was working emergency room rotations during my residency, we had a case come in. This girl had convinced her boyfriend to choke her during sex.” Leonard held his voice level and dangerous, punctuating each sentence with a small step forward, pressing into Jim’s personal space. “Do you want to know what happened, Jim? Do you?”
Jim was taking very small steps backwards to match Leonard’s movements. “They… uh… they had really hot sex?” he asked hopefully.
“She was suffocated, Jim! Do the words 'oxygen deprivation' and 'critical brain damage' mean anything to you? She was dead before they could even get her to the hospital.”
Jim’s face dropped about three shades of pale. “Maybe she had an underlying –”
“She was healthy, you bastard! Healthy, young, beautiful, with her whole fucking life ahead of her.” His voice hit a peak as the memory of that young woman superimposed with the image of Jim, unconscious on the floor. He gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut for a second, trying to erase the image from his mind, and failing.
Jim took two solid steps backwards and sat down hard when the backs of his knees hit the edge of the bed. “I…”
Leonard took a deep breath and forced his voice down a few decibels. “Do you know what that did to the boyfriend? I had to give him the news. Oh yeah, that was fun. He broke down in the waiting room, sobbing his eyes out, saying over and over again that she’d begged him to do it, and how he didn’t want to, but he didn’t think it would really hurt her. And after he’d lost his girlfriend, he was only lucky that they acquitted him of the charges of second-degree manslaughter.”
Jim’s pale complexion had taken on a notable green tinge.
"And you..." The image of the dead girl was gone, and all he could see now was Jim lying on the floor, and Leonard was almost sick at the thought of it. "Goddammit, Jim," he growled, "you were only a couple of minutes away from... that could have been you, Jim."
Jim cringed, and he looked away.
Leonard nodded slowly, seeing that Jim, the stupid bastard of a genius, was getting the message loud and clear. "I asked you why you think I berate you up one side and down the other when you do stupid shit that gets you injured." He could hear the resignation in his own voice, and he sighed. "It's simple, Jim. I do it because for some unknowable reason, I actually give a damn about what happens to you. I don't like seeing you injured, so I fix it. And then you just go out and mess up my work again, so I fix it again. And I'm gonna keep fixing it, because I guess that's what I do."
"Bones…" Jim said weakly.
"But there are some things that even I can't fix, Jim, and someday, one of those things is going to happen to you." He felt his own throat tighten just a little bit. Whatever he might say aloud to deny it, Jim meant too goddamned much to him, and the thought of Jim slipping beyond his ability to pull him back hurt in a way he couldn't even define. "Don't make that day come any sooner than it has to."
Jim’s eyes were unfocused, staring across the room at the far wall. Leonard didn’t much like that look on him, but at least that meant he was listening and processing what he'd just heard. With a huff, Leonard crouched down and repositioned the tissue regenerator over the last of the deep bruises. He noticed Jim shiver slightly under his touch, but the kid didn't make a sound. Then, feeling unusually exhausted himself, Leonard sat down on the edge of the bed, his shoulder brushing against Jim’s.
“Why did you do it, Jim?”
After a few seconds, Jim whispered, “I don’t know.”
“Yeah, you do. This isn’t your normal shit. What's going on?”
It almost seemed that he was going to answer, but he fell silent, staring at the floor in front of him.
Instead of pushing, Leonard waited. After a moment, he checked the tissue regenerator and removed it, tossing it lightly into the med kit. Finally, Jim shifted on the bed, leaning his elbows heavily on his thighs, and spoke.
“I’ve been a bit stir-crazy lately. Everything has been busy, and classes have actually been pretty challenging, but… everything feels dull. Muted. Distant.” He dug his fingertips into his knees in a clawing motion. “Nothing new, nothing that makes me feel... engaged and on-edge.”
Leonard looked at Jim in disbelief. “You’re kidding me, right? You’re taking twice as many courses as most cadets –”
“Just two extra courses, Bones.”
“– in the command track, which has training missions and simulations on almost a weekly basis, and you come back from half of those looking like you’ve gone ten rounds with a premenstrual Klingon –”
“It’s just training.”
“– and when you have a scrap of spare time, you’re off on some grand escapade, usually dragging me along!”
For several seconds that stretched out uncomfortably, Jim didn’t move, didn’t speak. Leonard frowned. “Jim?”
“I was gonna drag you along tonight.”
Leonard couldn’t stop himself from jolting slightly and sliding a couple of inches away so he could turn to look at Jim more directly. “The fuck? You mean, you wanted me to come along with you to Kestra’s room and… and…?” He let his voice trail off into the unspoken question.
To that, Jim actually laughed, shoulders shaking mirthlessly, still staring at the floor. “No, Bones. Kestra was plan B. I only met her last week. Shit…” He shook his head.
Frowning, Leonard leaned around, trying to get a better view of Jim’s face. “What, Jim?”
He watched as Jim chewed his lower lip thoughtfully, seemingly wrapped up in his own inner dialogue. Finally, he shrugged, still not looking up from the floor, as if facing Leonard while saying this would be too difficult, and said, “I've been curious... and I figured if anyone knew how to do this… this sort of stuff safely…” His face flushed with embarrassment, ears bright red. Jim never blushed.
“Jim,” Leonard said softly, hoping that he actually sounded encouraging, “you can tell me anything.”
“Because you wouldn’t judge me, right?” Jim asked in a flat voice.
“Because I’ve already judged you, ya lunatic, and I already know you’re crazy, and I haven’t kicked you out yet.”
Jim actually gave a half-smile. "Nice to have your confidence." The smile faded again.
"Jim, spill it."
Fists and jaw clenched as Jim took a bracing breath. "Everything feels just... it's like I'm itching for something that I can't quite scratch. So I wanted something that could… snap me out of that. Feel like I'm trying something new and dangerous. I want to try some kinky stuff… not stupid things like fuzzy handcuffs and blindfolds and spanking, but really unusual stuff."
"And so you went to some alien girl you just met and asked her to strangle you?" Leonard couldn't keep the note of accusation out of his voice.
"Fuck it, Bones, that wasn't the point!" He twisted around on the bed and finally looked Leonard square in the eye. "I didn't go to her first, I went to you!"
Leonard felt his mouth fall open at the stark realization, and his mind reeled with the possible implications as his entire perception turned on its head. "Shit."
To Part 2...
Author:
mijanArtist:
lizardspotsPairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: NC-17; Art is NOT worksafe.
Word Count: 22,000 total
Warnings: BDSM. Needleplay. Sounding.
Summary:"Everything feels just... it's like I'm itching for something that I can't quite scratch. So I wanted something that could… snap me out of that. Feel like I'm trying something new and dangerous.
It certainly wasn't how Leonard McCoy had ever hoped to discover Jim's more unusual sexual interests, but now that he knew, he wasn't going to let the opportunity slip for either of them... if Jim trusted him enough.
Thumbnail:
Notes: The idea for this started when someone on a discussion thread (might have been the kink meme, might have been somewhere on the
kirk_mccoy community) suggested a sounding fic. I said, huh, I can do zat. And the idea just lodged itself in my brain and demanded to be written. I developed it a little bit, because I am incapable of writing PWP, and this is the result.This is a total collaboration between myself and
lizardspots. She did the amazing artwork, for which I provided my feeble art beta skills and detailed descriptions. I wrote the fic, for which she provided detailed medical information and insights from the mind of a doctor-in-training. She also did some good beta work to help me revise several major sections, and don't let her tell you otherwise. Art is in Part 3.My thanks to
classics_geek for her excellent beta work. Also, thanks to my lovely wife, fiona_fawkes, for rolling her eyes, reading this, and loving me anyway. (Someone has to, right?)*********
“Infirmary to Doctor McCoy.”
Leonard looked up over the edge of his PADD and glared at the blinking comm panel. He was on call, yes, but with a xenovirology exam at 0800 hours, he really couldn't afford the distraction. He’d blocked all regular comm channels, had locked his door, and had even shown Jim Kirk the bottom of his proverbial boot so that he could get some real studying done. That meant the only thing that could interrupt him was a medical emergency, and the blinking comm panel meant that some idiot on campus had chosen that precise moment to become a thorn in Leonard’s side.
The comm chimed again. There was no avoiding it.
Grumbling, he tossed his PADD aside and lurched out of his chair, slapping the comm panel irritably. “McCoy here.”
“McCoy, there’s been a medical emergency reported in your building. Possible code blue. We’re dispatching an emergency response team, but you're the closest –”
The words 'code blue' had Leonard rushing across the room and grabbing his emergency med kit. If someone's heart had stopped, he had minutes. Seconds. "What’s the room number? Patient status?”
“Room 607. Human male. Patient is unconscious, not breathing. McCoy, it’s –”
“Drugs involved? Trauma?” he barked out, shoving his feet into his shoes.
“Uncertain. The only other being in the room is a Denobulan cadet. Uninjured, but she's frantic. We can’t get much info out of her.”
“Great,” Leonard growled. “I’m on my way.”
“McCoy, you need to know, it’s –”
Leonard was already out the door. Whatever else was wrong, he’d find out when he got there. That’s what tricorders were for.
The turbolift opened for him almost instantly, and he snapped, “Sixth floor,” at the computer as he did a quick check of his emergency supplies. It was amazing the shit that Starfleet cadets could get themselves into. Sure, they were supposed to be the best and the brightest, but there was a large contingent who were also excessively curious, moderately reckless, masochistically-inclined, adrenaline addicts. He knew at least one of those personally. Whoever had caused tonight’s excitement… After I finish saving this idiot, I’ll make him wish I hadn’t. He indulged in six seconds of grumbling to himself until the turbolift door opened, at which point his irritation was shoved to the back of his mind and he switched into emergency responder mode.
Leonard clutched his med kit tightly as he raced down the hall towards room 607. He didn’t even have to look for room numbers as he ran; a Denobulan female was standing at the doorway, scantily clad, looking anxious.
“I didn’t know – I didn’t realize he’d be so delicate! He asked me to! I swear, he asked me to!”
“Ma’am, I don’t care how it happened,” Leonard said as he pushed past her, into the poorly lit room. “I just need to –” He stopped cold, feeling his breath catch hard in his throat. A sick, icy nausea welled up in his stomach as he took in the absolutely motionless form of Jim Kirk on the floor. “SHIT!”
In an instant, Leonard was on his knees beside Jim, tricorder in hand, and his world narrowed to the tiny readout screen and the unconscious man in front of him. Alive, thank god, but it was bad and getting worse. Heartrate was too fast - far too fast, getting faster, weaker; he wasn't breathing and his oxygen levels were slipping, but there was no sign of severe trauma, no reason for - “Of all the stupid – goddammit!”
Leonard threw the tricorder aside and cradled Jim's head with his hands, tilting it back until his mouth fell open; the kid was unconscious with his own goddamned tongue blocking his airway. "Come on, Jim, breathe," he hissed at him, but Jim was too far gone for his body to start breathing again on its own. Somewhere between furious and frantic, Leonard pulled out the respirator unit from his kit with one hand and sealed it over Jim’s mouth and nose. There was nothing Leonard could see that -
"Computer, lights, 100%!" Not letting go of Jim, he took in the rest of the scene around him in choppy glances. Jim was in his underwear, and so was this other cadet – whatever Denobulans wore for underwear. Yet another of Jim’s wild sexual encounters he’d often tried to brag about before Leonard cut him off.
“What the hell were you two doing that could have –” And then he noticed the stark line of red marks forming on Jim’s neck. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!”
“He told me that many humans enjoy it… that it’s normal for…” She crouched down on the floor, a few feet away, and her already nervous expression became absolutely distraught. “It’s not normal, is it?"
"No," Leonard growled, "but 'normal' isn't in this kid's vocabulary."
"Then why would he say that? I didn’t mean to hurt him! I didn’t know! What if I killed him?”
“You didn’t kill him, so calm down, give him some space, and let me work!” The Denobulan’s raving wasn’t helping Leonard concentrate, but it was certainly helping him paint a solid picture of what had happened. Leonard had no doubt in his mind that Jim had persuaded the woman to do this to him. His furious exasperation at his patient barely kept his own personal worries at bay; he needed to do something, but unless it got worse - fuck, don't get worse, please don't get worse - there was nothing he could do but support Jim's head while the respirator kept the kid's lungs working. With one hand, Leonard grabbed the tricorder and scanned him, watching anxiously as oxygen saturation began to improve and his heartrate started to settle.
Jim couldn’t have been unconscious for long. There was no brain damage and his O2 stats hadn’t fallen below critical. Still, he was a mess. In addition to the compromised airway, it looked like the Denobulan had put some pretty heavy pressure on the carotid arteries. Jim had probably passed out from that, and the bastard had probably convinced the poor girl who had done it that she should keep going even if he passed out because it was all normal. And the girl had been either too frantic or too clueless about first aid for humans to even check for airway blockage. Crazy, reckless, thrill-seeking, suicidal bastard.
Although he wasn’t feeling particularly charitable at the moment, to either Jim or his partner for the evening, the woman probably felt guilty enough, and as far as Leonard was concerned, Jim had done this to himself. No need to make it harder on the girl. “It’s okay, miss…?”
“Kestra,” she choked out, clutching her hands to her chest.
“Miss Kestra, it’s not your fault."
She started to squeak a reply, then shook her head. "My actions were clearly dangerous to him. Why would he tell me to do something like that?"
"Because," Leonard growled, staring at his tricorder readings, "Jim Kirk is an idiot."
Kestra's eyes almost bugged out of her head. "What?" she gasped.
Leonard gritted his teeth; he didn't want her to think that he berated all of his patients to the same degree as Jim. "He's a good friend of mine, Kestra. Humans say stuff like that when we're worried about friends."
She nodded in apparent understanding.
With a grimace, Leonard looked back down at the tricorder. Oxygen saturation was back up to normal, and brain activity was increasing. The kid should be coming around any second. Leonard put aside the tricorder and gently slapped Jim's cheek behind the respirator mask.
"Jim. Hey, Jim?" With his other hand, he gave Jim's shoulder a little shake. "Come on, kid, naptime is over."
For a moment, Jim's eyes fluttered, then snapped awake, somewhere between confused and frantic. "Bones!" His voice was muffled behind the respirator. "Where am… what am I…" He reached up and swatted at the mask on his face, coughing weakly as his body fought against the respirator's function. "What's this –"
Leonard caught Jim’s hand and pulled it aside. "Don’t fuck with my equipment, Jim,” he growled, unable to completely hide the relief in his voice. “Relax and let yourself breathe with the air pressure. Don't fight it."
Jim put his hand back down, relaxed marginally, and blinked a couple of times as he squinted and looked around the room. "I… I'm… shit. Kestra…" He glanced to the side.
"I'm sorry, Jim," she blurted. "I shouldn't have pressed so hard! I didn't know that it was risky. Why didn't you tell me?"
He flashed her a bleary echo of his I’m-a-charming-bastard grin. “It’s nothing, Kestra,” he reassured her. “Just an accident. I’m fine.” The thick croak in his voice belied his words, which were obviously a boldfaced lie, considering how he still looked like he was on the verge of passing out. Kestra seemed somewhat pacified (although not by much, Leonard reflected), and so Jim gave her one more wavering grin before he turned his head and glanced up at Leonard. The attempted confidence of a moment ago was replaced by wariness – at least, what passed for wariness from a guy who had been unconscious only seconds before. "Bones," he groaned, "what the hell are you doing here?"
"I'm on call tonight, Jim," he said flatly. "Your sexcapade partner might not have the best grasp of human physiological limitations, but aside from that, at least she's got the common sense that you so notably lack."
"She called in a medical emergency," Jim said, his eyes going wide. "Which means –"
"That a medical team is on its way," Leonard finished for him.
Jim stared up at him, eyes desperate and begging, mouth a tense line underneath the respirator mask.
Leonard didn't need to be an expert in reading Jim Kirk to know what he was asking, although he figured if Kirkology was a degree program, he'd have another goddamned doctorate by now. With a dramatic sigh, he pulled his comm off his belt and flipped it open. "Doctor McCoy to the Academy Infirmary."
"Infirmary here; this is Doctor Wuxiang. What's Kirk's status, McCoy?"
Leonard swallowed nervously, and fixed Jim with a glare that said clearly, You owe me, kid. He took a deep breath. "The patient is conscious and lucid with vital signs returning to normal. He was apparently trying to impress his Denobulan lady friend and discovered that prolonged inversion of the body can lead to a case of surprise syncope."
There was a short noise on the other end of the comm link which sounded suspiciously like snickering. Jim groaned softly in embarrassment, but Leonard's critical eyebrow told him in no uncertain terms that he could have made the humiliation far worse than to suggest a mere fainting spell. "Yeah, he's fine," Leonard confirmed again.
"The med team is almost to your dorm building. Shall I recall them?"
Jim's eyes pleaded one more time.
Leonard gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, recall them. Kirk is stable and uninjured. The only remaining wound is to his pride, but he's recovered from far more serious injuries of that nature that would have been fatal to mere mortals."
This time, there was definite chuckling over the comm. “Okay, you’ve got him, then?”
“Yeah,” Leonard grumbled. “I’ve got him. McCoy out.”
By then, Jim was struggling to sit up. “You know,” he said, “if I didn’t know better, I’d say you just insulted me.”
Leonard reached out a hand and helped push Jim upright, saying, “Cognitive function is returning. Prognosis is favorable for a full recovery.”
"Bastard." Jim scowled at him and leaned to the side, propping himself up with one hand. With the other, he reached up for his mask. Leonard promptly grabbed his hand and pulled it away again.
“I told you,” he said as he ran another tricorder scan, “don’t fuck with my equipment."
"Bones…" The nickname was stretched into a plea. "Come on, get this thing off me."
The tricorder confirmed what Leonard already knew; Jim was right as rain. He reached over and unceremoniously yanked the respirator off Jim's face without bothering to deactivate the seal.
"OW!" Jim's hand snapped up and rubbed his cheeks where the mask had left red lines. "Watch it! You almost took half my face with that thing!"
Leonard gave him one sharp glare before turning his attention to his med kit as he neatly packed his supplies again. "Miss Kestra," he said with his most gentlemanly drawl, "thank you for calling in this emergency. Within any reasonable expectation, you did nothing wrong, and you can't let yourself feel guilty for this. It’s not your fault that you were misled about human physiological limitations. You may have saved Cadet Kirk's life by calling for help so quickly." He could almost feel Jim freeze next to him, but he looked up at Kestra. "But for future reference, you should know that human necks are pretty sensitive, and it's better not to apply any pressure to them… even when some of the less intelligent specimens of our species ask you to."
"Hey!" Jim protested, but Leonard ignored him.
"Okay," she said softly, meeting his gaze with a look of uncertainty. "You… you're not going to report this?"
Leonard spared her a look of mercy. "What's to report?" he asked with a resigned grumble. "A cadet didn't know his own limits and got carried away while engaging in sexual exploits. It's not a unique situation. You had no malicious intent, Kirk has already recovered and has no lasting injuries, and I think you both learned lessons from this." He twitched his head in an awkward shrug. "Besides, if I report it, that's a shitload of forms to fill out, and I just don't have time."
"Oh," she said, still looking embarrassed, but marginally reassured by his levity.
With a sigh and a groan, Leonard looped the strap on the med kit over his shoulder as he stood. "Miss Kestra, I suggest you put some clothes back on before you catch a chill."
Jim also stood, a bit shaky at first, then reached down and scooped up his pants. "And I'll just get dressed and head back to my room so I can study for –"
"Don't even think about it, hot shot," Leonard interrupted him, stepping decisively between Jim and the door. "I'm not through with you yet. Put your damned pants on."
Jim blinked in surprise, but Leonard's tone allowed no room for argument. "What, Bones? I've got studying to do," he said, hopping awkwardly as he yanked his pants on. "Midterms and all, ya know."
Leonard snorted derisively, grabbed a black undershirt that had to be Jim's, and chucked it at the kid, hitting him neatly in the face. "You weren't going to study tonight, and you know it."
The shirt popped over Jim's head, leaving his hair standing in every direction, which should have been impossible with the regulation haircut, but somehow Jim managed to violate even those norms. "But Bones, I – "
"They paged me because of you, and so you have a choice: Either you come with me, or I call back the medical team and we treat the damage to your neck down at the infirmary.” He gave Jim his most devious look. “I’ll even make sure they put you on a stretcher. I know how much you love that."
Jim looked like he'd just run into a brick wall. "Uh… ok." He turned to Kestra, a look of sincere apology painted on his face. "Look, I'm sorry I put you through this. Normally, stuff like this doesn't happen. You're just a lot stronger than you look, which is really awesome, so maybe –"
"That's enough," Leonard growled, grabbing Jim by the arm. "Kestra, he's sorry, he's an idiot, and he's got to go now." And with that, he dragged a protesting Jim Kirk to the door.
"Easy there, Bones! Hey Kestra, sorry about this… uh… maybe next time we –" The door sliding shut behind him cut him off. "Dammit, Bones, you could have at least let me say goodbye properly! Isn’t this some sort of abuse of power as a doctor? And hey, you don't need to hold my arm so tight; I can walk."
Leonard didn't even look at him as he continued to stride down the corridor, hauling Jim along with him. He said nothing.
"Uh, Bones, you're kinda squeezing my arm."
The turbolift door opened in front of them, and Leonard spun Jim around in front of the open doorway. He glowered furiously. "Jim, just shut up." And he shoved Jim backwards into the turbolift. "Eighteenth floor." When the turbolift stopped, Leonard grabbed Jim's arm again and pulled him the rest of the way to his dorm room. Mercifully, they didn't encounter anyone in the hall, and Jim kept his mouth shut this time.
As soon as Leonard's door slid shut behind them, he pushed Jim towards the bed. "Sit."
"Bones, listen, it's not like –"
Leonard shot him a death glare, effectively silencing him. Rummaging around in the med kit, Leonard pulled out the tissue regenerator. "You know," he said in a low tone, "these don't come in standard emergency med kits. They're not really for immediate medical response. Vascular regenerators and dermal fusion units take care of bleeding; tissue regeneration is a secondary procedure." He held the unit next to Jim's neck and activated it, watching the first bruise begin to fade almost immediately. "But do you know why I keep one in my med kit, Jim?"
"Oh, am I allowed to talk now?"
Another brief death glare.
Jim blew out an exasperated breath. "No, I don't know why, Bones, but as you said, I'm an idiot. I guess you'll have to tell me."
"I keep one in here because of you, Jim," he said flatly, keeping his eyes focused on his task. "Because you're my friend, and as much as I don't like enabling some of the crazy shit you do, I know how much you despise the infirmary, and I'm usually pretty happy to help you out when I can."
Jim actually barked out a laugh at that. "You? Happy to help me out? Every time you've patched me up for something, you usually spend the entire time berating me up one side and down the other for my stupidity."
"And just why do you think I do that, genius?"
"So I'm a genius now? What happened to 'idiot'?"
Leonard deactivated the unit and switched to the other side of Jim's neck. "Actually, you usually are a genius. An infantile, reckless, and occasionally foolish bastard of a genius, but usually you are. And yes, I'm usually happy to help you out." He gritted his teeth, feeling the anger that had been simmering since Jim had regained consciousness finally boiling to the surface. "But when you do something this stupid… this goddamned dangerous, Jim…"
"It's not that dangerous! People do it all the time! I can't believe she called for medics."
“You’re damned lucky that she did!" Leonard pressed the regen unit against Jim's neck, locking it in place to let it work on the deepest part of the bruise, which happened to be right over the main carotid artery, then he looked up and met Jim's eyes. “Do you understand what could have happened to you? Do you have any fucking idea?”
"It wasn't that bad, Bones! I just passed out. That's part of how it works, you know?"
"Just passed out," Leonard growled low in his throat. He stood up and stepped back from the bed, shaking his head slowly. He turned and kicked off his shoes harder than necessary, sending the second one careening into the window with a resonant thud, eliciting a visible flinch from Jim. He balled his hands into fists, feeling the bite of his fingernails in the palms of his hands. "Just passed out," he said again, more vehemently this time. "You did not 'just pass out,' you idiot. You weren't even breathing when I got there! How can you not comprehend how serious that is?"
Jim looked like he'd been slapped. He stood and took a couple of steps towards Leonard, arms dangling helplessly at his sides. His mouth opened and closed silently a couple of times before he got any words out. "I would have been fine," he said, but without any conviction.
"Yeah, you tell yourself that." Feeling a sudden inclination to strangle his insufferable friend, but knowing that was the worst thought he could possibly have just then, Leonard forced himself to fold his arms and turn away from the object of his ire. He paced as he ranted. "Goddammit, kid, I don’t know what sort of thrill you were hoping to get, and I don't care. There are lots of ways to mix it up in the bedroom without putting yourself in danger, but that’s not one of them! Erotic asphyxiation is fucking dangerous. There's no safe way to do it.”
“It’s not that bad –”
Leonard rounded on Jim, suddenly feeling like the scant centimeter of height that he had over the kid was much bigger. “James T. Fucking Idiot Kirk, let me tell you a story. When I was working emergency room rotations during my residency, we had a case come in. This girl had convinced her boyfriend to choke her during sex.” Leonard held his voice level and dangerous, punctuating each sentence with a small step forward, pressing into Jim’s personal space. “Do you want to know what happened, Jim? Do you?”
Jim was taking very small steps backwards to match Leonard’s movements. “They… uh… they had really hot sex?” he asked hopefully.
“She was suffocated, Jim! Do the words 'oxygen deprivation' and 'critical brain damage' mean anything to you? She was dead before they could even get her to the hospital.”
Jim’s face dropped about three shades of pale. “Maybe she had an underlying –”
“She was healthy, you bastard! Healthy, young, beautiful, with her whole fucking life ahead of her.” His voice hit a peak as the memory of that young woman superimposed with the image of Jim, unconscious on the floor. He gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut for a second, trying to erase the image from his mind, and failing.
Jim took two solid steps backwards and sat down hard when the backs of his knees hit the edge of the bed. “I…”
Leonard took a deep breath and forced his voice down a few decibels. “Do you know what that did to the boyfriend? I had to give him the news. Oh yeah, that was fun. He broke down in the waiting room, sobbing his eyes out, saying over and over again that she’d begged him to do it, and how he didn’t want to, but he didn’t think it would really hurt her. And after he’d lost his girlfriend, he was only lucky that they acquitted him of the charges of second-degree manslaughter.”
Jim’s pale complexion had taken on a notable green tinge.
"And you..." The image of the dead girl was gone, and all he could see now was Jim lying on the floor, and Leonard was almost sick at the thought of it. "Goddammit, Jim," he growled, "you were only a couple of minutes away from... that could have been you, Jim."
Jim cringed, and he looked away.
Leonard nodded slowly, seeing that Jim, the stupid bastard of a genius, was getting the message loud and clear. "I asked you why you think I berate you up one side and down the other when you do stupid shit that gets you injured." He could hear the resignation in his own voice, and he sighed. "It's simple, Jim. I do it because for some unknowable reason, I actually give a damn about what happens to you. I don't like seeing you injured, so I fix it. And then you just go out and mess up my work again, so I fix it again. And I'm gonna keep fixing it, because I guess that's what I do."
"Bones…" Jim said weakly.
"But there are some things that even I can't fix, Jim, and someday, one of those things is going to happen to you." He felt his own throat tighten just a little bit. Whatever he might say aloud to deny it, Jim meant too goddamned much to him, and the thought of Jim slipping beyond his ability to pull him back hurt in a way he couldn't even define. "Don't make that day come any sooner than it has to."
Jim’s eyes were unfocused, staring across the room at the far wall. Leonard didn’t much like that look on him, but at least that meant he was listening and processing what he'd just heard. With a huff, Leonard crouched down and repositioned the tissue regenerator over the last of the deep bruises. He noticed Jim shiver slightly under his touch, but the kid didn't make a sound. Then, feeling unusually exhausted himself, Leonard sat down on the edge of the bed, his shoulder brushing against Jim’s.
“Why did you do it, Jim?”
After a few seconds, Jim whispered, “I don’t know.”
“Yeah, you do. This isn’t your normal shit. What's going on?”
It almost seemed that he was going to answer, but he fell silent, staring at the floor in front of him.
Instead of pushing, Leonard waited. After a moment, he checked the tissue regenerator and removed it, tossing it lightly into the med kit. Finally, Jim shifted on the bed, leaning his elbows heavily on his thighs, and spoke.
“I’ve been a bit stir-crazy lately. Everything has been busy, and classes have actually been pretty challenging, but… everything feels dull. Muted. Distant.” He dug his fingertips into his knees in a clawing motion. “Nothing new, nothing that makes me feel... engaged and on-edge.”
Leonard looked at Jim in disbelief. “You’re kidding me, right? You’re taking twice as many courses as most cadets –”
“Just two extra courses, Bones.”
“– in the command track, which has training missions and simulations on almost a weekly basis, and you come back from half of those looking like you’ve gone ten rounds with a premenstrual Klingon –”
“It’s just training.”
“– and when you have a scrap of spare time, you’re off on some grand escapade, usually dragging me along!”
For several seconds that stretched out uncomfortably, Jim didn’t move, didn’t speak. Leonard frowned. “Jim?”
“I was gonna drag you along tonight.”
Leonard couldn’t stop himself from jolting slightly and sliding a couple of inches away so he could turn to look at Jim more directly. “The fuck? You mean, you wanted me to come along with you to Kestra’s room and… and…?” He let his voice trail off into the unspoken question.
To that, Jim actually laughed, shoulders shaking mirthlessly, still staring at the floor. “No, Bones. Kestra was plan B. I only met her last week. Shit…” He shook his head.
Frowning, Leonard leaned around, trying to get a better view of Jim’s face. “What, Jim?”
He watched as Jim chewed his lower lip thoughtfully, seemingly wrapped up in his own inner dialogue. Finally, he shrugged, still not looking up from the floor, as if facing Leonard while saying this would be too difficult, and said, “I've been curious... and I figured if anyone knew how to do this… this sort of stuff safely…” His face flushed with embarrassment, ears bright red. Jim never blushed.
“Jim,” Leonard said softly, hoping that he actually sounded encouraging, “you can tell me anything.”
“Because you wouldn’t judge me, right?” Jim asked in a flat voice.
“Because I’ve already judged you, ya lunatic, and I already know you’re crazy, and I haven’t kicked you out yet.”
Jim actually gave a half-smile. "Nice to have your confidence." The smile faded again.
"Jim, spill it."
Fists and jaw clenched as Jim took a bracing breath. "Everything feels just... it's like I'm itching for something that I can't quite scratch. So I wanted something that could… snap me out of that. Feel like I'm trying something new and dangerous. I want to try some kinky stuff… not stupid things like fuzzy handcuffs and blindfolds and spanking, but really unusual stuff."
"And so you went to some alien girl you just met and asked her to strangle you?" Leonard couldn't keep the note of accusation out of his voice.
"Fuck it, Bones, that wasn't the point!" He twisted around on the bed and finally looked Leonard square in the eye. "I didn't go to her first, I went to you!"
Leonard felt his mouth fall open at the stark realization, and his mind reeled with the possible implications as his entire perception turned on its head. "Shit."
To Part 2...
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Date: 2009-12-29 07:24 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2009-12-30 01:36 am (UTC)(Jim thinks so, too.)
My brain!
Date: 2009-12-30 04:35 am (UTC)I can't wait to see D/s written by you, especially involving one of my very favorite, and truly unappreciated, kinks! And your characterization of Bones is, as usual, totally on par. <3
Re: My brain!
Date: 2009-12-30 06:54 am (UTC)I'm glad you liked Bones' characterization. I hope I kept it solid for the whole fic. :)
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Date: 2009-12-30 05:54 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2009-12-31 01:29 am (UTC)*rushes to read rest*
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Date: 2009-12-31 05:21 am (UTC)This chapter works wonderfully as a foundation for later events. The opening before Jim comes on scene presents and builds up your view of McCoy as a character. By the time he reaches Jim I was well-involved in his emotional reactions and viewpoint to the point its more as if I am looking over his shoulder than sitting outside the story. That quite simply is a wonderful place to be.
"Bones…" Jim said weakly.
"But there are some things that even I can't fix, Jim, and someday, one of those things is going to happen to you." He felt his own throat tighten just a little bit. Whatever he might say aloud to deny it, Jim meant too goddamned much to him, and the thought of Jim slipping beyond his ability to pull him back hurt in a way he couldn't even define. "Don't make that day come any sooner than it has to."
This bit right here is what I think made it possible for the later conversation. Jim as he says did come to Bones first. But after he was turned away I think it's this moment that allows him to move past the BS and tell Bones what was going on in his head. it reaffirmed that he was right in coming to Bones because the man does care about him rather deeply. it also foreshadows the depth of the relationship and trust between them that will allow them to take this relationship forward.
Instead of pushing, Leonard waited. After a moment, he checked the tissue regenerator and removed it, tossing it lightly into the med kit. Finally, Jim shifted on the bed, leaning his elbows heavily on his thighs, and spoke.
“I’ve been a bit stir-crazy lately. Everything has been busy, and classes have actually been pretty challenging, but… everything feels dull. Muted. Distant.” He dug his fingertips into his knees in a clawing motion. “Nothing new, nothing that makes me feel... engaged and on-edge.”
As I was reading this section also stood out. The first paragraph highlights Bone's knowledge and understanding of Kirk, which considering Kirk's mastery of various facades is quite a feat. He also continues his care of Kirk, which would reinforce Jim's belief in Bone's ability to care for him.
The next paragraph acts as both a statement of his trust in Bones while also providing the reader with insight into his current mindsight. It's solidly crafted to the point it conveys his hesitancy over voicing these feelings and his mixed emotions about their presence as well as a desire to do something about them. This desire to do something is also supported by his previous actions that led to Bones being called to the room earlier.
Leonard looked at Jim in disbelief. “You’re kidding me, right? You’re taking twice as many courses as most cadets –”
“Just two extra courses, Bones.”
This section I found intriguing because it gives insight into Kirk's view of his own sense of worth. He doesn't see himself as exceptional despite his accomplishments. Bones on the other hand knows Jim's worth. At this point I'm not entirely sure if Bones recognizes this self-worth and esteem issue of Jim, though I believe his knowledged of these issues is possible based on later inferences he makes about Jim's emotional state.
“Because I’ve already judged you, ya lunatic, and I already know you’re crazy, and I haven’t kicked you out yet.”
This single line I think highlights the entirety of why their relationship works and why Jim can trust Bones to the degree he does.
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Date: 2009-12-31 01:46 pm (UTC)This little bit...
"This section I found intriguing because it gives insight into Kirk's view of his own sense of worth. He doesn't see himself as exceptional despite his accomplishments. Bones on the other hand knows Jim's worth. At this point I'm not entirely sure if Bones recognizes this self-worth and esteem issue of Jim, though I believe his knowledged of these issues is possible based on later inferences he makes about Jim's emotional state."
Actually, this takes place as an offshoot of the same universe as my PG-13 fic, "And All the King's Men." Right now, any Academy-era fic will be structured around that. This one happens to be an offshoot, but we're dealing with the same character psychology, in the very least. That story goes very deeply into the reasons behind Jim's messed-up self-worth issues, as well as the deep trust these two already share. I make a reference in the next section about how Jim had already saved Bones' life once, and that was from that fic.
So... yeah, I like to weave my character development pretty tightly.
Thank you for your thoughts here! :D
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Date: 2010-01-01 12:28 am (UTC)And I love your character development. The tight manner in which you weave it, is what makes your writing exceptional instead of pleasant (pleasant is not a bad thing to be by any means). I'll go back over that and the other one tied to it before moving to chapter 2. When is this particular story set in that universe? I'm assuming it's after both of the other two?
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Date: 2010-01-02 12:01 pm (UTC)Also, I'm not sure, but this sentence: "prolonged inversion of the body can lead to a case of surprise syncope." Did you just say that Kirk was standing upside down until he fainted to impress Kestra?
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Date: 2010-01-02 02:29 pm (UTC)And... yes, the suggestion in that line is that Kirk was doing SOMETHING upside down (you can innocently imagine that he was merely doing a headstand if you wish), and that he passed out as a result. Or you can imagine McCoy saying that in a *tone* of voice that suggested that he was engaging in sexual exploits while inverted and therefore ended up passing out. *grins*
That specific line was suggested to me by a woman who's only a few months away from being an MD, so must be plausible. (It's nice having a beta reader and artist who's practically a doctor by now.)
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Date: 2010-01-03 05:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-03 05:24 pm (UTC)