Aaah, see, there are as many ways to approach BDSM as there are people who indulge in BDSM. It can be soft, sensual, intimate, and profoundly emotional, or it can be hard, edgy, public, and distant. It depends on what you want. I understand your friend's point - SOME dungeons and groups have this unfortunate habit of treating newbies like nothing more than fresh meat. They hope to influence people's introduction into BDSM in their own image, and some people are little better than sexual predators.
However... my personal experience in the scene has been very good. I found a private group of wonderful people that I trusted very much (still do, but I moved across the country), had a good mentor, learned things well, and was able to develop my own approach without being negatively pressured. BDSM is whatever you make of it, and as far as I'm concerned, when done right, a BDSM scene is one of the most intensely intimate, emotional, and open ways two people can interact. The actual kink itself is secondary to the emotions and trust involved. Granted, the kink is definitely *important*... if something isn't your thing, it doesn't matter how much you trust a person - you're probably not going to enjoy it. But still... this is very similar to the sort of emotions, trust, and headspace (both for the top and bottom) that I've experienced and witnessed in scene. I hope that if you decide to explore BDSM, you find good experiences and good people. Because yes, it really can be that good.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2010-01-08 02:04 pm (UTC)However... my personal experience in the scene has been very good. I found a private group of wonderful people that I trusted very much (still do, but I moved across the country), had a good mentor, learned things well, and was able to develop my own approach without being negatively pressured. BDSM is whatever you make of it, and as far as I'm concerned, when done right, a BDSM scene is one of the most intensely intimate, emotional, and open ways two people can interact. The actual kink itself is secondary to the emotions and trust involved. Granted, the kink is definitely *important*... if something isn't your thing, it doesn't matter how much you trust a person - you're probably not going to enjoy it. But still... this is very similar to the sort of emotions, trust, and headspace (both for the top and bottom) that I've experienced and witnessed in scene. I hope that if you decide to explore BDSM, you find good experiences and good people. Because yes, it really can be that good.
♥
Thank you for reading! I'm glad you liked it!