Eight Years Ago

[mijan]

Eight years ago this morning, I was sitting in the radiology department at the local hospital waiting to get my head examined.  No joke.

I was a new, young Soldier in the U.S. Army Reserves.  My drill weekend for the month had been that previous weekend, and on Sunday, I'd been in a bit of an on-duty accident.  Fell off the top of a Deuce-and-a-half, whacking the back of my head on the truck behind me as I fell, then smacking into the concrete.  It was nasty.  Without going into medical detail, let's just say I lost consciousness for between six and eight minutes in a delayed reaction, and the Army medics, being the morons that they were, did nothing to check for head/neck injuries, sent me back to work, let me drive home an hour and a half by myself, and never sent me to the hospital.  It was only the Lieutenant Colonel at ROTC the next morning who took one look at me and knew something was wrong who sent me to the hospital, where the CAT scan machine was malfunctioning.  So, I had to come back on Tuesday.  September 11th, 2001.

I showed up for my 8:00 AM appointment, Eastern Standard Time.  I was sitting in the waiting room watching the news when suddenly there was the image of the first tower smoking, and the news anchor babbling frantically.  Everyone in the waiting room was staring at it, wide-eyed.  My mother, who was there with me, said something like, "Oh my god, this is a horrible accident."  I remember shaking my head and saying, "No, we're under attack.  Watch the second tower."  Less than a minute later, the next airplane hit the second tower. 

Maybe it was the head injury, or maybe it was because I was so recently out of Basic Training, but I felt like I was watching with this cold, distant detachment, like I was there but I wasn't.  My mother started to panic.  My sister was living in Boston at the time, and if they were attacking New York, she was frantic that they might hit Boston next, if not the Empire State Building.  I remember shaking my head and saying, "No.  They're gonna hit Washington." 

Shortly thereafter, the report came in from the Pentagon. 

My mother started to worry and wonder what other cities would be hit, what other buildings.  The Prudential Tower in Boston would have been a prime target, but again, something told me otherwise.  "No more buildings," I said, not knowing why I felt sure of that, "but it's not over."

Once the last plane had landed in the field in Pennsylvania, I said, "Now it's over."

To this day, I don't know why I said it like I did.  I don't know how I knew.  But it was there.  And by the way, the CAT scan came back clean.  No intracranial bleeding, just a nasty concussion.

That afternoon, we stopped by a Wal-Mart for something, I don't remember what, but I remember the hushed tones throughout the store, and how everyone was talking to everyone else.  Reassuring and supportive comments from total strangers.  Even with a splitting headache, I was still a Soldier, and I tried to reassure people who looked like they were going to break down.  We all did that for each other.  It was the strangest feeling.

Regardless of the political fallout of this tragedy, which will always try to taint the losses, the heroism, the true American spirit that shined in so many people eight years ago today, let's try to remember what we felt on that day without that tarnish.  Let's remember the tears we shed as Americans, as brothers and sisters, regardless of political leanings or personal background.  Let's remember the heroes who rushed into the building to save people when everyone else was rushing out.  Let's remember the determination we all felt to stand tall even as the towers fell.  And let's remember that despite our nation's faults, it still MEANS SOMETHING to be an American, and we should make it mean something good.

I salute the heroes of this tragedy.  I honor the families who suffered losses on that day.  I remember the pain shared by all Americans and our friends throughout the world.

And I swear by my oath of office as a commissioned officer in the United States Army, a commission which has never been resigned, and by my proud status as a native-born American citizen, I will do what I can to stand for the best that America is and can be.  THAT is how I shall honor the heroes and victims of September 11th, 2001.

How will you?

Comments

[nmalfoy.livejournal.com]

What a powerful post. I didn't know you were a soldier! I would buy you a drink if I could. I say those who fight for our country, at any time, should get free drinks for the rest of their lives.

How did you know it was an attack and not an accident? What made you realize it was over? That's... sorta creepy. But in a good way. Wanna come read my palm?

[mijan.livejournal.com]

You didn't know I was a Soldier? Dude, how long have you been on my f-list? I was enlisted from 2000 to 2003, and an officer from 2003 to 2007. Total of seven years. I didn't post about it often because I wanted to keep my military life separate from my fandom identity (for good reason), but yeah, most people knew.

And I'd love a beer right now. You have no idea how much I'd love a beer right now. But don't worry about it, chica. Combat boots or none, I'm still the same Mijan I've always been. Just me.

And how did I know? Like I said, I had no idea. Maybe it was because I'd just finished Basic Training and AIT barely two months prior, and my mindset was based on attack/defense stuff. Maybe it was because I had a head injury and I was delirious. Or maybe it was some sort of precognitive thing. I have no idea. But yeah, there it was.

And no, I don't do palm reading... but I AM Pagan, and I work with people on tarot and scrying sometimes.

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

I haven't been on your list very long.

I had no idea you were in the military. That's awesome.

Half my family is active duty or former active duty. I lost my cousin Todd in Iraq and three of my cousins are currently in Afghanistan.

[imagines.livejournal.com]

Your story of that day still gives me shivers, even in text.

I am proud of my country. We could have collapsed--and I remember worrying that we might--but we were tougher than that.

Thank you for what you've done for me and the rest of the country.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I'm just one of many, hun. Thank them, and on behalf of my brothers and sisters in uniform, you're more than welcome. No thanks is needed.

[oldenuf2nb.livejournal.com]

Bravo, my dear. And amen.

I will honor them by refusing to accept the lowest common denominator, by refusing to believe the worst, and by fighting every day for what I believe in; Equality, under the law, for all Americans.

[primroseburrows.livejournal.com]

Even with the right-wing bullshittery that goes on these days, I'm still really glad that the Left isn't doing today what we did to the vets during and after Vietnam. In my profession I'm still seeing the repercussions from that, and from the horrible war they were involved in.

I don't always agree with my government, or the asshats that send troops places where IMO they shouldn't always be, but there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not grateful to the troops themselves. Not one day. Because I don't for a second believe that they're doing anything else but serving their--and my--country. So yeah, thank you for being there for me, and for all of us.

[trigeekgirl.livejournal.com]

I didn't know you were a soldier either, but thank you in a post-scripty way.

It's interesting how people know things they shouldn't necessarily be able to know. My dad, who's career military, did the same thing. He told my mom that there would be two planes and DC would be next after NY. She thought it was odd, but not unexpected. He'd been in for 17 years and a contractor after that, so he thinks like a soldier.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

Huh - I wonder how many people on my f-list had no idea. I mean, I don't go around hooting and hollering about it, and I tend to only bring it up if it's relevant to the conversation. (And you're welcome, in a post-scripty, all-encompassing and general sort of way.) But it was relevant to this story because it gives my perspective on how I viewed the events of September 11th. My perspective would have been entirely different had I been a civilian.

I'm fascinated that I wasn't the only one who seemed to have the same premonition or precognition. It makes me feel a bit less alone.

I love your icon, btw.

Dies Irae

[sgt-majorette.livejournal.com]

I knew you were a soldier. In fact, I think that's basically how I ended up on your flist.

If you've seen HBP, that opening scene where everybody in that restaurant runs to the window and watches the bridge twist up and collapse? From the big window in the plaza lobby of Deutsche Bank, it was exactly like that.

I was never able to get my impressions down on paper. The closest I got is the only HP slash I ever wrote: Harry Potter and the Day of Wrath

The preaching woman is real. When I finally got home, I researched the Bible. It's all there.

One of my favorite Mary Renault characters says, "...but women, being ignorant and fearing dream-diviners more than immortal Zeus, will always suppose that whatever causes them trouble must be wicked."

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

I knew you had been Army, didn't realize you had been an Officer though. Or at least it didn't click.

I had the same detachment, but after years of prepping for ground wars in different countries and hotspots, attacks on America were nothing new. I was shipping back from Okinawa when the WTC was bombed in 1993.

Granted, until the Pentagon I still thought it was a late Y2K glitch with the air traffic control system in NYC. I had turned down a few positions to work on those because they were in really bad shape. Still are.

I was rather detached about it because in boot camp we learn about battle studies where tens of thousands die in a single day's battle, in wars that go on for years. When the estimated dead dropped from 50,000 down to 15,000, then to 7000, then to 2300 or so, it seemed like the attack was not going to be the punch in the nose we needed to go weed out those terrorist cells that had been mucking with us for decades.

Luckily, we had someone in office who wasn't overly busy with scandals, and we made the move we (the military) had been waiting for since the last gulf war. However we end up exiting the current multi-platform campaign, I think it will be clear that while some Americans don't have the stomach for war, you still better not try mucking with us on our turf. Stick to bombing embassies in countries most of us can't find on a map.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I started enlisted, and then went through ROTC while I was still enlisted in my reserves unit. I did three years enlisted and almost four as an officer. I don't much seem like the type, I don't think, but hey, I did it.

It's always interesting to see how fellow military personnel react to emergencies in comparison to civilians. And how we continue to react years down the road.

I'd have more to say, but my brain is fuzzy, I'm still sick, and I think I need to let it rest for tonight. There are so many facets to this that most people never even see, and I'm torn between the civilian pacifist perspective and the fact that I AM a Soldier (albeit currently out of service) and will never be able to look at a combat situation without that perspective, too.

[saveau.livejournal.com]

My son is being deployed to Afghanistan on the 26th (Marines).

I've been telling myself that I won't freak out about it. And I won't.

But I am starting to feel rather knotted up.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I understand and sympathize. Let me know if there's anything you need. Seriously.

[saveau.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Mijan; it's good to hear your offer, and to know that you get it. I never served but I grew up in the Air Force, so the military is my "culture" to a large degree (something I've noticed conservatives tend to find surprising, as though it is their province alone).

What I need is just for my boy to come home safe and sound at the end of his tour, and to be just a phone call away for my daughter-in-law while he's gone. There's nothing at all that I or anyone else can do in the meantime. I just have to remember that he's very intelligent, humane, well-trained, and was able to handle himself in combat, armed and unarmed, long before he ever put on a uniform. Those things, and hopefully some luck, are all that really factor into his chances; hopefully, it will be enough.

Thank you again. For your past service, and for being here now.

[mijan.livejournal.com]

I know that's what you need most... but if at any point you find yourself needing to talk to someone on the outside of your situation who still understands, I can be a listening ear for you.

And thank YOU, too. That's something a lot of outsiders don't realize: the sacrifice of military FAMILIES. That's just as important in many ways, and often times, only the other military families and the service members themselves ever see it. I see it. Thank you.

[lunalovegoddess.livejournal.com]

On that day, I'd just dropped our daughter off at kindergarten, and was taking care of our toddler son. I seldom watch the news, unless it's to check the weather. So, as it was, I'd been barely paying attention. When I saw the footage, I honestly thought that it was a trailer for a new film. Because this couldn't be happening, you know. My second reaction was that we were going to war, before anyone mentioned the possibility that it was a terrorist act.

[verdenia.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is an amazing post.
I don't know how you knew that stuff either, but I believe it.

I'm a lifelong Californian, and hadn't yet been to NY, so it seemed pretty surreal, but I definitely remember that day: it was only a bit after returning from our very first Burning Man, and I was staying over at my sweetie's house to combat the post-festival letdown. 9/11 sure brought the 'real world' into sharp focus.