I posted pictures from the presentation of this skit
HERE. But I didn't give you guys the ACTUAL skit. I'll post video soon, but for now:
(NOTES: Words in
RED are overlapping dialogue, where you have both characters talking over each other. Words in
GREEN are where my sister, standing behind the screen, off-stage, throws stuff at me.)
TITLE: “NO WIN SCENARIO.”Tanya: No, I don't want to hear another word, James T. Kirk! Obnoxious, pig-headed, hormone-driven – AAAH! I knew I couldn't trust you! OUT!Kirk: But if you'll just listen, it's not what it sounds like! I swear, hey, ouch! Easy there! WHOA!(Kirk stumbles onto stage, as if just shoved out a door. He's wearing nothing but his jacket, boxer-briefs, and one sock. He's trying to zip up his uniform jacket as he stumbles and talks.)T: I thought you weren't seeing that Orion girl!K: What?!? I'm not! That’s just Gaila from my seminar! She's just... I mean... she was walking by and... have you ever seen an Orion?T: I knew it! (THROWS BOOT)K: (*dodges boot*) HEY! That almost hit me!T: GOOD! Maybe you'll learn not to go messing around with other girls when you're already spoken for! So-called advanced civilization, and you men are still acting like Neanderthals! (THROWS SOCK)K: Spoken for... what? You and I went out on two dates! It's not... Neanderthal? Come on, Tammy -T: TANYA! My name is TANYA! AAAA!!! (THROWS OTHER BOOT)Kirk: (*dodges again*) Come on, Tanya! Can we talk about this??(Sound of door hissing shut.)K: (dejected) You have got to be kidding me. (*bends over to pick up a boot*)
Uhura: (*cat-call whistles*) So, not only farm animals? K: (startled, turning around) Uhura! (embarrassed, but trying to flirt) Nice to see you! So... now that I've bared all for you, how about that first name?Uhura: (MOAR disgusted) Ugh. Put some pants on, Kirk.(sound of FASTER footsteps walking away, three to four second of footsteps, fading off.)Kirk: (grumbles) Great. Just great. (shakes head as he turns towards "Tanya's" side of the stage.)(at Tanya through the door, sounding PATHETIC) Can I at least have my pants?(THROW PANTS - HIT KIRK IN THE FACE)K: (Sarcastically) Thanks. (Mumbling, while trying to put pants on) I barely looked at that Orion... (Pause) Pheromones... it's just pheromones. (Pause) Uhura is never gonna let me live this down. She’ll tell Bones. Pike. CUPCAKE. Gaila. (Another pause. Suddenly, Kirk looks really pleased.) GAILA. 
